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This is the 3rd layout and URL change for this year, 2006. I don't think I'd be changing it again soon.
Design: Tiiin*
GFX Editor: Adobe Photoshop and Adobe ImageReady
Lyrics: Crossfade's "No Giving Up" and "Starless"
Special thanks to: Yahoo! Geocities, Yahoo! toolbar, people who blog, and people who write tutorials.
Site Feed: http://hopelessandgrayedout.blogspot.com/atom.xml
The Tiiin Commandments
written by Demsey Ube
- Dapat lagi alam ni Tin kung nasaan ka lalo na kung magkasama kayo kanikanina lang.
- Dapat magsasabe agad kay Tin kung magmmigrate sa ibang bansa bago maging shota.
- Dapat supportive sa studies ni Tin.
- Dapat close sa mga barkada at maging kabarkada rin.
- Pag ayaw ni Tin, huwag nang pilitin; kundi, alam mo na kung saan ka pupulutin.
- Kung game ka magpakilala sa parents ni Tin, game rin sha.
- Dapat mature mag-isip. Ayaw ni Tin magalaga ng baby damulag.
- Huwag magppropose kay Tin na itatanan at papaaralin ng Medicine dahil di yan effective. (Tried and tested)
- Hindi papatol si Tin sa mga totoys kahit pa may back-up na friend/s, mababasted lang ng kung ilang beses.
- Love tin honestly and wholly. She can compromise naman, basta wag lang maabuso at kawawain si Tin. She
will love you back. Promise. (Hindi ko to inedit. Si Dems may gawa nian :)
Saturday, August 24, 2002
hey..been a long time..i guess i've been busy with school..and i've been having a lot of things on my mind..and i think that no one would ever understand how i feel about these things..they just hurt me so much right now..
weeks ago, i've been having a lot of stress. emotionally, i feel hopeless and sad for my grandmother who's in a coma for over a year now. i just want her misery and suffering already. if god would allow her to live longer then i'd be really glad to be able to see her well again..but if he would like to take her with him already..that would be fine..i bet she's be safe up there. i just need my grandmother..she's the only one who would ever understand me..
physically, i haven't had enough rest. i go to school on mondays, tuesdays, thrusdays and fridays. i attend my ROTC on sundays. last time, my wednesday was eaten up by my ROTC training when we walked from school to ninoy aquino's monument, to plaza miranda which was in front of quiapo church. my school is in intramuros..i've never walked that far my whole life..
mentally, i don't think i'd be able to survive in college. i'm doing very well in math and pe but that's all i know. i haven't seen my results in english, filipino and chemistry. my biology, my major, i flunked my first test on that..i don't know..i just don't know what i'm doing anymore...
yesterday, i was having trouble at school because everyone was bothering me about something. they were all around me asking if they could borrow this and that. i got irritated with RJ, my new friend. he was borrowing my laboratory manual when i was still writing on it so i said wait. he called my name again to borrow my manual so i told him to come over and copy as i write. he said he didn't want to because he wasn't sociable, which i don't think is a reason why he shouldn't copy from my manual so he could submit his already. i let him be. then, he calls my name again for the nth time. trying to control my temper, smiling, i said 'call me one more time..' and then he bursts and says 'nevermind' and walks away to borrow someone else's lab manual. is this my fault? there were a lot of people copying from my manual. he may be my friend but i can't take the manual to him and leave the others. he was just one person who could join the group in copying. should the group go to him??
mark picked me up after school yesterday. of course he knew i was not in a very good mood because i wasn't smiling at all and i was walking alone towards the gate. when we rode the jeep, he asks me what was wrong so i was telling him about what happened but he kept saying stuff like 'maybe RJ could only copy from you', 'maybe they got used to borrowing things from you'. give me a break. i was having a very bad time and then here he was telling me what the other people could have felt? i was just telling him what happened. i wasn't asking for his opinion or his views about it. i was merely trying to get some bad feelings out of my system. so i turned my back on him. i didn't need to hear whatever he was saying. i was just letting out something. i just needed him to listen.
TO LISTEN to me..was what i needed.
so we go to sm manila. for what reason? i don't know. we were walking towards nowhere but we weren't talking. things happened so quickly that i can barely remember the things he yelled at me..or why he said those things..i can recall he said something like..
- 'problema kasi sa iyo ang hirap mo kausap'
- 'ang bilis mo kasi mairita at magalit eh'
- 'putang ina.........'
- 'kay RJ ka galit originally hindi sa akin pero parati na lang sa akin ang bagsak'
- 'parati na lang ako mali wala na akong ginawang tama...putang ina........'
there was a lot more that happened inside that mall. he was shouting at me, yelling at me. i don't know if he noticed but people were looking at us and i was very embarassed about the situation. i can't believe he did that. he told me once never to raise my voice at him especially at public places. but what was he doing? wasn't he yelling at a very public place? sometime when we were going up at the escalator, he said something that i didn't understand but i heard him repeatedly saying 'putang ina talaga' and then he walked up the escalator and walked fast toward the exit. you know what i felt that time? i had mixed emotions. i thought that he could leave me in that place by myself. i don't care, i can go home by myself. i know my way home. he can make me cry but he can never make me regret of losing him right then and there. i don't know. i wanted to cry my heart out. i wanted him to go and leave me. he didn't. i don't know why..but he didn't. he waited for me by the stairs going to the exit doors but i swerved a lot because i didn't want him near me. there was this feeling that i didn't want to be with him...anymore...
he was talking to me on our way to the bus stop. he said a lot of things. 'your problem is so small' 'i just didn't want you and RJ to fight' i can't remember. i didn't want to listen. i didn't want to hear anymore. it was always like that. i may have a point in the argument but when he starts saying things, everything becomes my fault. everything becomes my mistake. i turn out to be wrong in everything i said. he was still talking on the bus. i wasn't talking at all. i wasn't listening to him. deep inside, i was crying so hard. i was swallowing back tears and it was very difficult. honestly, i wasn't feeling well yesterday. i was getting light-headed. it happens to me everytime i cry and feel bad about something. my heart seems to get affected and it slows down with its pumping.
last night..i really needed someone to talk to. i needed a friend who would understand me. i tried brian. but i guess he wasn't in the mood for talk either. mark couldn't understand me. he thinks he does but he really doesn't. he always tries to please me but that's not what i want. it's not what i need. sometimes i feel that things could have been better if we were just friends... i don't know. things were better then. when i had problems and i needed to cry, he would just let me or sometimes he would try to make me stop. back then, he never said things like 'maybe he felt this' 'maybe he felt that'. he would just say what he thinks about the actions of the people involved like 'i think she's very mature about this' and not 'maybe she did that because she had to'. do you see the difference at all?? it's better when he says just what he thinks about the person but it's stupid when he tries to say why the person did something. how the hell would he know?? he's not that person..
i was feeling really bad last night..it was the worst time of my life. i cried myself to sleep because no one could understand what i was saying. mark, on the other hand, thought that everything was ok. i asked him for permission if i could find someone else to talk to. anyone at all who was available. you know what he said? just as long as he's not one of your suitors. and then he said a joke. he doesn't know what was going on at all. i didn't find anyone to talk to that's why i was feeling even worse when i woke up this morning. my eyes really hurt...
i'm supposed to go to a friend's debut later tonight. it's a dinner-dance party so the attire is strictly formal. i already have a gown to wear and all..but the problem is i don't own any make-up so i wouldn't know how to put it on either. i thought i'd go to the salon to have my hair fixed and have my make-up done there. my mother doesn't want to...she says it's not really needed on such occasions..she called me up this morning and told me that she didn't want my hair and make-up done outside. she says she has some make-up blah blah...i never asked them for anything...especially for something that i don't need...this is something so simple...it's not like i go to such parties a lot..i wish i had not been invited...so i wouldn't have such problems..i don't know...i'm so tired of life..
i don't know what to do with mark anymore...i'm always wrong with whatever i do...he thinks he understands me when he really doesn't..he pleases me and tries to make me happy..but that's not what i need at all...i need him to be my friend sometimes...the friend that he used to be...i want no regrets...
Tiiin* was starless at
11:47 AM
0 star(s)
Tuesday, August 06, 2002
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! im back in business!! haha it's workin again...
anyways, my last post was kinda weird...cant imagine myself posting that. hm...by the way, i changed my number again. im using my mum's number +639178903618. yup, you can reach me thru that number now. :)
i already posted something on my message board because blogger wont let me log in a few minutes ago...it's a pretty short entry...up to you if you wanna read it. sorry im not writing with the CAPS and the proper puncs and all...i gotta run...gotta do something..c yah!!! :D
Tiiin* was starless at
8:41 PM
0 star(s)
this is a test...if you see this...i'll probably post again a little later hihihi
Tiiin* was starless at
8:35 PM
0 star(s)
