Saturday, July 31, 2004
Scarred Tissues of Realizations
Like scars, these realizations must stay with me until after I die.
© When I say that I'm not sure with my answer and it turns out to be correct, it means that I lack confidence. I had to hear it from a friend that I don't believe in myself. And I should.
© I realized that my IT professor, to whom my heart went out to and tried to protect from being battered by my classmates, is an evil man. He judged our written report by the way it looks and said that it was done in a hurry. I hate him.
© When I punched the classroom wall because of too much anger, I realized that I'd rather hurt myself rather than anybody else, no matter how angry I was. And my hand hurts really bad.
© I realized that I wasn't able to keep my word, to myself, that I won't hit walls anymore.
© When I continued to attend the rest of my classes after that incident, it means that I take school more important than my emotions against the person I'm angry at.
© When that person asked me what he was going to do next in our experiment and I pretended not to hear, I realized that I wasn't being professional.
© I realized that if that person were near me, I could have injured him and I would have been suspended or kicked out of school. I don't have self-control when I'm angry. I don't like me when I'm angry.
© If I know that I'm right, I should fight for my right.
© Keeping quiet about things doesn't do me any good. When that bottle inside me fills up, the cork might pop out of the pressure. I should not hold anything in that bottle and I should keep it empty at all times.
© When I'm too tired, I get "brain-dead" and I cannot think right. My hands won't even follow the words my brain would like it to type. I realized that I should watch out for my health and increase my endurance or else I might not become a doctor.
© I realized that people don't see things the way I do because they are not me. No matter how long I explain, they will not understand me. Now, I understand them.
© As a child of God, I realized that He wants me to be happy. So I should be. ^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
9:08 AM
2 star(s)
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
What's the Story?
Omigod. I cannot write very well today. I'm too tired. I was typing about what happened to me last monday but my fingers won't seem to cooperate. I'll write again some other time.. Geez.. I'm really tired.. Sorry..
Tiiin* was starless at
8:26 PM
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Sunday, July 25, 2004
Walang Gana, Walang Gana..
I practiced on some Physics problems yesterday. I'm not sure if I got the answers correct though. That's pretty much all I did yesterday, besides my chores, of course.
I'm too lazy to study today. I tried. I did. I guess
nawalan ako ng gana because my discman got..I don't know what happened. All of a sudden, the buttons won't function and when I plug in the adapter, it starts playing and it won't stop until I unplug it. I always listen to my discman while studying and I lose my concentration without it. -_- It breaks my heart to see it like that. It's been with me for what.. 4 years? And I took good care of it.. It's always in its cd bag. I even keep the adapter in a separate container. So what the hell happened??
Earl and I talked on the phone for more than 2 hours after lunch. We talked about a whole LOT of stuff - Peewee included. Haha!! Turns out, he just got off the phone with Peewee, and the guy knows me by face and doesn't remember my name. Grr. But then Earl said it was ok since Peewee said I was "
makulit" in a good sense. So it's a good sign
daw. Whatever. Haha! It's not like I'm wishing for this guy to become mine or anything like that. Crush is crush
'di ba?
Spark and I are still not in very good terms. I don't know. I guess I'm still mad at him for being so unfair. Two weeks ago, I always dropped by at his place before going home. I can't remember when he last picked me up. Honestly, I'm too used to it that I'm not expecting him too. And if ever he asks, I'd probably say I don't want to see him so don't. Bitchy as it may sound, that's me. I just don't see the sense in having a boyfriend when he's not "functional".
Mas maigi pang wala na lang because right now, it's as good as
wala.
Tiiin* was starless at
9:16 PM
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Friday, July 23, 2004
With Oozing Saliva
We were supposed to have our IT quiz
kaso na-postpone
na naman. Ngayon lang ako naka-encounter ng teachers na ganon. Magccancel kung kailan nila trip. Naalala ko tuloy 'yung A B N K K B S N P L A K o?!
ni Bob Ong,
nung sinabi niyang "Ganito pala sa college - gaguhan." Para kasing pinapagod ka lang ng teacher. Sasabihin may exam,
ikaw naman todo review at nagkakandarapa papasok ng eskwelahan para lang makarating ka bago mag-7am.
Sabay papasok siya sa room, sasabihing "Next meeting
nalang ang quiz." tapos aalis na. Eh ano na'ng saysay ng gumising ka ng maaga para makarating sa klase niya? Buti ako taga-San Juan lang, 5 ako gumigising, 6 umaalis. Eh paano 'yung mga taga Laguna? Cavite? Anong oras sila gumising para lang hindi ma-late,
sabay ganon. Hay ewan.
We finally got to take our Biochem exam. It was "meso". Hehe. Not too easy and not too hard. During lab, our teacher was checking the papers of the "known" students (those who excelled in Organic Chemistry last semester). Some of them failed. And then other "unknowns'" papers were checked, and most of them got even higher. The ironies of life. Mine wasn't checked. I hope I pass.. ^-^
Right now, my taskbar has 4 windows:
1. RO Empire's Monster Database - I'm trying to learn about the monsters I'd like to hunt for some items.
2. YM IM with Earl - It's the first time I saw this guy go online while he's not beside me at an Internet cafe. We're talking about Peewee (can there be anyone else? ^^;) and lots of other stuff.
3. Blogger - For obvious reasons..
4. Friendster Profile... of peeweerei. HAHAHA!!! OMIGOD. Is there something wrong with me or what?! Earl and I are actually debating if I should send him a message asking if it's ok to add him to my list or just add him.
Ang landi ko ba?! And to think,
may boyfriend pa ako sa lagay na yan!! HAHAHA!!! SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*T!! What is this, is this "
sawaan" syndrome?? Is this what you get when you don't feel like you have a boyfriend because all you have for communicating with him is SMS and you haven't seen him for what.. a week?? Whatever.
I'm reaaaally sleepy.. And I still haven't decided on what to do.. with Peewee's profile.. -_-
Tiiin* was starless at
8:06 PM
3 star(s)
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Stuck in this Chair with Nothing Too Interesting to Write
If I would have to rate my productivity for today from a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest, I would say 3.
I woke up at 8:30 and prepared the stuff I had to bring to the hospital - like my notes and books. I left for the hospital at 10:00. While I was there, I helped Ruth move amah around while I reviewed for my Biochem exam. As I started to read my IT book, I fell asleep on the couch at around 3pm and woke up 30 minutes after. Before I knew it, it was already 5pm and I was being sent home. Time flies so fast when one doesn't have a watch. I hope my amah could get home soon..
Now I'm back here and right now, I'm just transferring the yoyo balloons site to its own server. (Something I should have done a long time ago.) Sometimes, WS_FTP sucks so bad. Or is it my Internet connection?? Whatever. I keep being disconnected.
Minsan talaga wala akong pasensiya..especially when I'm sleepy!
Tomorrow's RagnaroK thursday. We have a 3-hour break after our first class and it's the best way to waste our oh-so-precious time. I still have 2 hours and a half left on my 50-buck load.
Pwede pa 'yon since we don't play more than an hour
naman. I just don't feel very comfortable when some guys stand behind me and watch me play. Awkward
lang.. oh well..
I realized that I can be sooo bitchy but suuuper nice sometimes. A representative from the pulmonary department went up to my amah's room to check on her while I was eating lunch. So I said "
Kain" to him and in turn, he said thank you. One of the resident doctors also checked on her in the afternoon, I didn't like the way she suctioned my amah's phlegm out. She was too harsh. So when she was asking questions, I didn't say a word. I didn't even look at her. Waha.. Super bitchy, bitchy me! ^-^
Sana makasabay ko si Peewee bukas... ^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
5:41 PM
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Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Staccato of Thoughts
Darn it. I prepared for this school week during the weekend and studied really hard for my Biochem exam today that I missed 2 days of posting. My prof walks in, we keep silent. And then she says,
"Postponed ang exam ngayon. Sa friday na lang." Ok.
Ang ganda mo. It's not that I'm being selfish or what because some of my classmates weren't able to study, her announcement was in favor of them and blah. The thing is, we were ALL supposed to study for TODAY's test.
Hay..
Never the mind.
My mum said that this afternoon would also be my "shift" at the hospital. But then, last night, I told her that if she sends me there at 2pm and I have to be back home to cook my amah's food at 4, what's the sense in that? She said she'll cook it herself. But what time would she be home? 7pm or so. And we have to wait for it to get cold before we osterize it. That's minus to our sleeping hours again. Am I REALLY becoming selfish now?? I just don't want her to lose precious sleep. She's taking cholesterol meds already. I don't want to make her health any worse..
Jayson lent me a vcd called Kung Pow. At first I thought it was some porn. So I rejected his offer. But then Joven's already seen it and I asked him if it weren't really porn, and he said yes so I took it. Not that I don't trust Jayson. I trust those guys. They're my friends. I just don't want to waste my time on porn.. Plus, why the hell do I need to watch porn?! Why would I WANT it?! Anyway, I've seen it. It's just a low budget movie full of crap - CORNY to the bones,
na matatawa ka na lang.
Our seats got rearranged again for Biostats. Grr. Even if I'm still sitting next to Jayson and Pupuli, This Guy and Pare are near me. Argh. Speaking of This Guy and Pare, Pare is befriending Demsey,
nakikisabay pauwi.
(Uyyyy..dyan nagsisimula yan..HAHAHA!!) Anyway, the bad part is, our barkada now has a stranger walking home with us. Elk. Well, he's no stranger to me.. But then, if he really wants me out of his life (and I'm certain that I want him out of mine), why choose Demsey? Why choose OUR barkada? Whatever. Loser.
I'm REALLY crushing on Peewee now. No, that's no code name. His real name is Peewee. Cute
noh? ^-^ I just ADORE him. I actually wait for him before our 1pm class starts, that's the time he gets dismissed and marvelously walks down the stairs. *Sigh* Haha.. Earl's actually pushing me to Peewee. He noticed that Spark hasn't been picking me up and stuff.
Si Peewee
nalang daw. Peewee, Peewee.
Puro na lang Peewee!!
Baka masamid na iyon kakasabi ko ng pangalan niya.. or kakaisip ba?
My mum says my amah would be able to get out of the hospital soon. WEEPEE! (Oi..anagram
ng Peewee.. HAHAHA!! Ok, stop.) She's no longer connected to the compressed air..which I think is the respirator crap.. I think it's all good. The other night, my mum was talking to her, she asked amah kung nahihirapan siya. My mum said my amah started to cry. ='C
Hay.. Kung nakakapagsalita lang siya, sana malaman namin at least
kung anong nararamdaman niya..
Tiiin* was starless at
3:09 PM
1 star(s)
Friday, July 16, 2004
Apology
Yipes!! When did this update happen?? I noticed that I've been posting every other day. I'm sorry. I'm just so busy with school, my amah and my chores. Plus, my brothers back with his addiction to RagnaroK too, so now
may kaagaw na ako ulit sa computer. He actually sold his account to his friend many months ago, but his friend told him that he will be deleting that account to concentrate on another one. So, my brother bought his account back,
nanghihinayang daw siya. Wushu! If I know, he wants to play his character because his friend leveled it up until base 77!
What's Happenin' Now?!
I'm currently looking for a book in Filipino or by a Filipino for my Panitikan book review. It's due before the semester ends but I don't want to be cramming AND because there aren't much good Filipino novels, I have to hurry and get one. No duplicates allowed. o_O There are good novels that I've read before but they're all taken, like Ang Tundo man may Langit Din and Sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag. So if you guys have anything to recommend, please.. ^-^
I'm not satisfied with my performance in school this week. I feel like I'm underprepared, if there's such a word. I read in advance and stuff..it just doesn't feel right. My quiz score in Panitikan and Biostatistics is probably low. Today, we had our first unit quiz and since I forgot where to get the value of a variable in the formula, I bet that sucks too. My Biochemistry prof was calling out names at random for recitation again. I have notes on the topic but I don't have the photocopy. My only "shining moment" was during IT, which was just an accident, when I blurted out the correction. Next week will be better.. It SHOULD be better.. -_-
I'm crushing on somebody in school.
Hayyyyy... Haha! He's actually Earl's friend, whom he introduced to me weeks ago. But lately, I just seem to develop something.. a bit deeper.. but I just get inspired when I see him..
may kilig lang ganon.. Don't worry. I'm still with Spark. Crush is crush. Love is love. ^-^ I went to his place this afternoon since my lab got cancelled because my prof had to go somewhere. I'm happy I saw him. ^-^ We just watched some parts of Jackass volume 2, which was ok for laughs but I was too sleepy. So we slept. Then we woke up at around 4, watched some TV and he took me home.
Gusto ko ganon lang, simple. Hindi nga kami lagi nagkikita pero 'pag nagkasama na kami, parang sulit na. Ok na na isang beses lang sa isang linggo ko siya nakita. ^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
8:58 PM
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Just Stuff..
I was late for my IT class yesterday morning. Geez. The traffic was so bad from Bustillos to Mendiola! The freaking garbage trucks suck! Why do they have to collect trash at 6:30 am?! Anyway, everything went well during IT. We just learned conversions from decimal to binary, hexadecimal and octal. It wasn't so bad.
I was scared during Biochemistry class. We just filled out our class cards and our prof started calling out names for recitation at random. I didn't know anything about the physical and chemical properties of amino acids!! I studied about carbohydrates!! The next topic on the syllabus!! Grr.. Luckily, Jo had a photocopy of the handouts our prof gave to nursing students. She doesn't change her lectures. Whatever she was saying was exactly on the handouts.
'Di na masama.
I got crazy during Biostatistics because I didn't get the computation for the C sub something.. I had to walk up to my teacher and ask her personally. I didn't find anything wrong with that though..with asking if one doesn't understand something. Our prof just can't explain things very well.
Siguro dapat pareho kayo ng wavelength so you'll be able to grasp the topic quickly.
My ex-blockmates were hunting me after classes. They wanted me to burn some cd for them. I told them that I don't do that anymore because I'm too lazy to. But they insisted.
Bahala sila. Kung may kailangan i-download, 'di ko talaga gagawin. I don't have time to do these things anymore. The only reason why I get to play Ragnarok and blog is because I have "free" time while cooking my amah's food, washing the clothes, and etc.
It's 10:00 already. I have to run to the hospital. It's my "shift" today since I don't have classes. I'll be back at 4pm to cook my amah's food. 'RoK on. ^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
9:22 AM
1 star(s)
Monday, July 12, 2004
It Ain't Over 'til It's Over
I'm supposed to be still in school at this time. I just got home from the hospital. It's my amah. She's been having a hard time breathing since last night. A doctor came this morning to check on her. He said that at her age, if she was breathing that way since last night, she should have been gone. So I asked him, "Are you saying
lumalaban siya?" He said yes. The decision was up to my amah's children if they want to see her suffer like that or to confine her in the hospital.
I called my mum. I told her that she should tell my uncles to have my amah sent to the hospital. My mentality is this: if she's not giving up yet, why should we when the only "suffering" we get is bringing her to the hospital, watching her there, and paying the bills?
I hope I didn't miss anything SUPER important. I still want that 1.5. The fight's not over.
Tiiin* was starless at
5:20 PM
2 star(s)
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Looonggg Boooringgg Thursday
Our lab prof still hasn't showed up. We went to talk to the dean, he says that we already have a prof but teaching is just her part-time job. So what about us?? And then the other faculty members informed us that next meeting would already be midterms week for lab. Sheesh. Now what?!
Anyway, we had to waste time until 1pm. Our first stop was the
bilyaran. I didn't play. I was too shy to,
mahirap talaga 'pag puro boys baka sabihin lang nila bulok ako. They've never seen me play and I doubt if they know that I play. ^-^ We went to eat at 664 afterwards. (The place that I swore I'll never eat at. But that day, I ate my words.) We still had about 2 hours to spend so we went to Adam's to rent computers. I got my ROTC diploma on the same day and had to pay 2 pesos for it. -_-
Freakin' Fun Friday
I thought I was going to be late for my 7am class. But then my IT prof didn't show up. He's been absent for one whole week. He might have given up on us. Heh heh. I really don't know. Biochem was all right, but Stats sucked. Our prof gave us this exam and the instructions were really out of this world. How can we compute for the value of
i, when the formula is
i=R/k and to look for
k, the formula is
k=1 + 3.322 log N, where
N is the population and WAS NOT GIVEN?!
No use crying over spilled milk. I went on with my day. Lab went fine. But then we had to line up just so we can use the friggin' pH meter. And it was EXTREMELY hot wearing the lab gown. We were dismissed at 3pm. WEEE!!! But before we left the lab, we had to clean our tables. I saw this copy of our Stats problem set, which I saw earlier under Jayson's bag. Thinking that it was his, I called his attention. He says it's not his and I just had to push that it was.
Pakielamera talaga!! Haha. I was just concerned that he might not have his homework done. So anyway, after a while of arguing, he says that if he finds his copy in his bag, I'm supposed to give him a kiss. If he doesn't, he'll take his clothes off and parade. I took the deal. And voila! I owe him a stupid kiss. Me and my big mouth.
That guy's getting weirder by the day. He just can't stop asking me to kiss him. I take it very lightly, like a joke. He told me something very funny,
"Sige na, kiss mo 'ko. Promise, hindi ako magagalit." That got me laughing REALLY hard. I told him
ang kapal niya sobra. Tumawa lang naman siya. Hahaha! HAHAHA!!! I'm sorry, I can't help it..
Anyway, Spark picked me up after school. We bought some McDonald's stuff to eat on the bus. I miss my hunnie.. His dad came home from the States today. He went straight to pick his dad up right after work. Poor thing.. he hasn't got any sleep yet. They're going to Batangas and they'll be there until tomorrow. He says he misses his mum more.. Aww.. makes my heart melt.. especially when I remember his story. His mum left him for the States while he was still sleeping. Didn't say goodbye.. I'm guessing he was 10 then.. He hasn't seen his mum for 15 years now.. ='C
Back to my Addiction
When we went to Adam's alst thursday, I bought myself RO load worth 50 bucks. I wasn't sure if my account got hacked, so I didn't want to check it then and there because I might cry if I really was hacked. When I got home, I did, and YIPPEEEEEEEEEEE!! My characters are still filthy rich. HAHAHA!! I played last night until 12am. Geez. I'm back to my addiction!! I just hope that half of my brain would still want that 1.5 average for my academics.
Left Brain: (Breathing like a dog) Yes, yes. I want my 1.5!!
Right Brain: (Howling like a wolf) Come on, step inside the game!!
Har har. My decision, I will play while the sun is up and study in my room when it's gone. ^-^ Good enough for me. Ragnarok, I'm back. 1.5, here I come!! ^-^
Geez.. I'm getting
corny-er every day..
Tiiin* was starless at
1:54 PM
0 star(s)
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Needs and Wants
When my mum came home last night, she handed me a laptop brochure. She asked me which one was better than the rest. She said auntie Juanita wanted to buy a laptop for herself and it was going to come from Hong Kong. If I want one, she can ask auntie Juanita to get me one. My brain said, "Cool!" But I didn't say
"Sige, bilhan mo ako." or something to that effect. I was still thinking about it. Later that night, I told her
wag na lang since I just began my third year in college and cannot see the need for a laptop just yet. I told her that when I'm doing my thesis already, maybe she could get me one.
Parang nahihiya kasi ako kay mami even if she was the one who offered it. I think we've been really
magastos this year. A few months back, she bought a car for us both; she had to pay for electricity, phone bills, water bill; she sent my brother to Singapore for vacation; she went to Singapore to pick him up and brought home new pans and other appliances. She's planning to buy a treadmill for herself, which she really needs to lower her cholesterol. I want her to buy that before she buys anything else for us.
My brother.. /pif
My brother is EXTREMELY difficult to talk to these days. It's like he couldn't and wouldn't see reason. That brat! I think he's becoming a replica of my dad. He's getting the way my dad thinks already.
'Wag naman sana. Kawawa naman ang kapatid ko 'pag nagkataon. From the way I see it, he thinks we're filthy rich or something. One night, he asked my mum if he could turn on the aircon and when my mum said no,
nagalit pa siya! What is he?! My mum's boss?!
A few days ago, he machine-washed the clothes he used for school - just less than 10 pieces. I couldn't see the point in what he did.
Sayang tubig at kuryente! He separated his
pambahay and pang-school clothes. He didn't want to wash his small towels used for wiping perspiration with the ones he used for school. He says that next time I wash our clothes, I should include his towels. So he's MY boss now?? Last time I checked, I was still
"ate".
Last night, he was telling me that his friend, Pokemon, asked him to burn some cd's for him. My brother had told him that Pokemon should give him 20 cds and he'll burn all our mp3's on it - for FREE. WTH?! I go,
"Ok ka lang?! Libre?!" He goes,
"Bakit? Wala namang mawawala sa akin ah! Tsaka 'yung natirang cd akin na lang." I go,
"Sa iyo walang mawawala pero kay mama meron! Paano 'yung bayad sa kuryente?!" By this time, my mum interfered and said,
"Oo nga. Gaano katagal mag-burn ng isang cd? Sabihin nating 200 yon. Makakapulot ka ba 'non sa kung saan?" He goes,
"E d ako magbabayad! 200 lang pala eh. Ako na lang magbabayad sa iyo!" Take note,
NANAY niya kausap niya 'non ha. Ang K*PAL.
I think I'm becoming more
kuripot everyday.. -_-
Tiiin* was starless at
11:09 AM
0 star(s)
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
*Snooooooooooooooooooze*
I got home a few minutes before 1. I really had to be home early today because my mum informed that Lovely, my amah's nurse, was still at NLEX. (She went home to Nueva Ecija without telling my mum beforehand and now my mum is raging mad.) But Ruth, my amah's other nurse, was needed at home because her baby's sick and no one's gonna watch her. So, I had to replace her.
Anyway, my amah was sleeping so it wasn't difficult to watch her. I was reading about Number Systems to prepare for my next IT class. I stopped for a while and laid my head on the pillow to try converting the figures in my head. The next thing I know, I heard something drop. I looked around to look for that object but I couldn't find it so I put my head back down. Just as I was about to close my eyes, I realized that I WAS asleep a few minutes before that and I couldn't remember what happened!! It's the first time this happened..
So Yesterday, So Yesterday..
I didn't have time to post yesterday morning because.. *drumroll please* I was too lazy to. o_O I woke up at around 8am, had breakfast, went online to check my mail, chat with whoever was online, and just as I was about to log in to blogger, I thought, "nah...
aral na lang ako.."
Oo na..NERD na.. x_X
Anyway, I studied until I realized that it was already 10:00 and I had to be on my way to school by 11:30. Everything went pretty well in school. My darned Physics teacher just HAD to arrange us alphabetically. Bad trip. Now I have to sit next to THIS GUY, in front of PARE and beside another guy who never said more than 2 words at a time to me when we were blockmates back in 1st year..according to his friends, crush
daw ako 'non kaya sobrang nahihiya mangulit. *raising one eyebrow* I mean, I tried to make conversation with that guy. I swear! Because I realized, I'm gonna be stuck with him for the whole sem, so why not befriend him? Right?? I remember one time, I heard him humming Stephen Speak's Passenger Seat. I had my discman with me then so I said,
"Uy! Meron ako ng song na yan sa dala kong cd ngayon!" thinking that he would say,
"Talaga? Pakinig!" Or
"Ganda nung song noh?" Or something. He just..smiled..and said.."O." Whatever.
Spark picked me up after classes. I didn't ask him to. He just did. I told him to wait for me for a while because I had to have some papers photocopied. It took a good 10 or 15 minutes. When my barkada came out, I saw him sitting on the sidewalk. So I walked to him. I was expecting a greeting, a kiss on the forehead or a hug, like he always does. He didn't give me any. He looked REALLY pissed. He even asked me if the photocopy job was for me or for someone else in my barkada. Geez. If it were for my friends, I wouldn't wait for them because I know that someone is waiting for me. Bummer.
Bakit siya ganon?? Ruined my day.. x_X
I actually wanted to see him today. If I weren't needed here at home, I would have gone to him. I just miss our conversations - REAL conversations. I can tell him everything.. all my worries, fears, dreams..
Guilty as Charged
He went out to get drunk. She was looking for her cellphone. I told her that I saw him using it that afternoon. She told me to ask him where it was through text. He said he left it in his cabinet. She took it. His sim was still inside. There were unread messages. She read them. It was from Kaye. She called Kaye to make sure that Kaye's a girl. She IS a girl. Damn him. Now I'm almost out of respect for him. And to think, I call him my DAD.
Tiiin* was starless at
4:33 PM
2 star(s)
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Haaaaaaaaaay...
I was talking to one of my cousins today. I will not tell you who.
Kaming dalawa na lang nakakaalam 'non. Honestly, I was crying while I was talking to her. I just feel sad about these things.
I've heard about people who go against their parents -
mga rebelde. I had a classmate before who belong to this group of people. She didn't go to class for how many months but her parents always thought that she did because she always asked for
baon. Until one day, her mom dropped by our classroom, looking for her daughter because she was going to give her something. We told her that her daughter's not in school. One of the girl's best friends disclosed that her daughter spends the whole day at SM. You should have seen her mom's face.
Hindi pa ako ina, pero ang sakit siguro 'non 'pag nalaman mong nag-gagago ang anak mo. Pilit mong iniintindi ang ginagawa ng anak mo, pero ikaw hindi ka man lang intindihin. Paano na 'yun paghihirap na dinaanan mo para lang mapakain mo siya higit sa tatlong beses araw-araw? Paano na 'yung perang winaldas lang niya sa paglalaro ng mga video game at kung anu-ano pang bagay na para pangkain niya sa school? Paano 'yung lahat ng oras, dugo at pawis na ginamit mo para mapalaki siya ng tama ngunit malalaman mo lang sa huli na hindi ka nagtagumpay sa trabahong iyon? Paano 'pag na kick-out siya at hindi na makakatapos ng college? Anong klaseng trabaho ang mapapasukan niya? Paano na kung matanda na ako at hindi ko na kayang magtrabaho para mapakain siya araw-araw?
At bilang anak, malalaman natin na ang trabaho ng isang ina ay hindi natatapos. Simula ipinagbuntis tayo at ipinanganak, maraming paghihirap ang dinaanan nila. At anong makukuha nila kapalit 'non? Pagmamahal sana at pag-uunawa. Ang ina ay di kailanman humingi ng materyal na bagay bilang kapalit sa pag-aarugang ibinuhos sa atin. Pagmamahal lang na hindi nabibili sa kung saan at nanggagaling lang sa puso. Paano nga ba maipapakita na mahal natin ang mga magulang natin? Sapat na ba na sundin natin kung anong gusto nila? Sapat na ba na mag-aral lang tayo nang mabuti? Sapat na ba na makakuha tayo ng magandang trabaho sa hinaharap at magkaroon ng matiwasay na buhay? Sapat na ba na isama natin sila sa mga pangarap natin? Kulang pa. Sa aking paniniwala, hindi sapat ang isang lifetime para pagbayaran ang mga paghihirap ng isang ina. Kulang pa. Kulang na kulang pa.
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Saturday, July 03, 2004
Took Personality Tests Again
I've just gone blog-hoppin' and saw LeS' quiz results. Then I remembered, when was the last time I took tests?? Anyway, I took lots today.. I didn't like the results of my other tests..they were just plain silly. Plus, I have never dreamed to marry Brad Pitt. I want MATT DAMON!! hahaha! I even took this test that I've taken years ago. -_- Stupid me. These results are SO right about me that I find it..pretty cool. So, here it goes.. ^-^
Your anime hair color is green.
What is your anime hair color? brought to you by Quizilla
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're taffy!! You're a clever and kind person,
but you tend to hold grudges. You are not big
on dishing out forgiveness.
Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
That's all for now, I guess. I have lots of school work to do. I'll post again later if I think of something. ^-^ mmmmmwah!
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Friday, July 02, 2004
My Barkada
My barkada is composed of Joven, Earl, Jayson, Arnel, Julius (or Pupuli), Billy (or Beloy), Robert (or Bobert), Demsey, and Marlon. They call themselves ..uh.. ourselves.. PUBES (Pederasyon ng Ubod ng Bibibong Estudyanteng Super-kikay. Uhm!) Translation:
..ewan.. It's an all-boys crew. 'Cept me, of course! ^-^ My mum says that people might think I'm
malandi because of the guys I hang out with. Honestly, I think it's an advantage because they treat me really well. They're like my bodyguards; if we're walking on the street, they'd make me walk on the safer side, they patiently wait outside the ladies' room even if the lines are REALLY long, you know, the stuff that gents' do.
You're probably thinking: "What do you have in common with these guys?" "What do you talk about when you're together?" We talk mostly about Ragnarok, school, our prof's, movies, music (usually rock), life, practically anything and everything under the sun. Some of them, like Joven and Earl, even know the "issues" I've faced since I got in college. I can even ride with their green jokes and their
"bakla-bakla-an" games. The
bastos words are not new to me anymore. When I don't get enough sleep, they tell me that they "fantasized" about me last night. When THEY don't get enough sleep, I just tell them
"Sinabi ko na kasi, huwag manonood ng porn bago matulog!" Hehehe!
Don't get me wrong. I have girl friends in PLM. But I don't have any girl kabarkada. I'll try to explain why. x_X My block is divided into groups but these 2 groups will help me explain clear enough.
The Elite. They eat at fancy restaurants during breaks. They have the latest cellphone models. All they talk about is boys. They're usually quiet in class. If you didn't know the PLM uniform, you wouldn't know that they go to a public school.
Why I can't join them: I'm not THAT rich to be eating at fancy restaurants every school day. I'm not into the latest cellphones, I'm fine with my 8250. I only talk about one boy and that's Spark. If you hear me talking about somebody else, that's because there's an "issue" about him and me. (Feeling heartthrob, huh? :P I don't know what they see in me. But when guys, besides my barkada, gets too close to me, they think they're in love.
Ayan tuloy, lumiliit ang mundo ko dahil sa kaliwa't kana'ng siraan at awayan. And to think, it's not even MY fault! Whew!)
The Err.. They talk REALLY loud, like they're selling something. More often than not, you'll hear them curse at each other.
'Yung malutong talaga na P***** I**. First time I heard them, I got scared.
Akala ko, mapapa-away na ako! They frequent the washroom and stay there for lightyears on end. They come out..with their faces painted.
Why I can't join them:I am softspoken. But I enjoy laughing out loud. I do not like to curse...I even get mad at my kabarkada's for cursing too much. I go to the washroom to pee and wash my hands. I BARELY look into mirrors. I wear make-up only when an occasion calls for it and definitely NOT in school.
So there you have it. I maybe a member of the PUBES, but I'm really not Super-kikay. Waha! ^-^
Love, Sweet Love
I was working in the laboratory for our Biochemistry thingy. I told Earl that if Spark would surprise me by fetching me, it would be REALLY sweet. At 2pm, I checked my phone, no text message. Earl was actually laughing at me. o.O Anyway, 3pm came, I checked my phone, Spark texted me! He said he was going to pick me up. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! ^-^ I waited for him for almost half an hour. It was OK.
Mainipin ako talaga, but that's just the way I am, and I get mad when I have to wait. I didn't get mad at him a bit. He's sweet.. (even if he forgot what time I get off on fridays) We got
Sari-Sari Square Pizza from Greenwich and some bottled soda's from 7-Eleven. (Plugging na naman!! :P) We ate on the bus, which I missed a LOT. I had a great time.. One of my happiest days.. ^-^
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Thursday, July 01, 2004
Bad Hair Day..
I woke up a few minutes before 7am. Obviously, I'm late for my first class. But I thought,
may ibang tao nga, isang oras na lang natitira, papasok pa rin! Eh ako at least 30 mins. late lang! So I rushed bathing and stuff and asked my parents if they can drop me off. (They used to ALWAYS do that before.) My dad told my mum
"Baka ma-late ka." So my mum goes,
"Hatid ka na lang namin sa sakayan." Then my mind goes,
"Eh 'di ganun din!!!" So anyway,
tampururot na naman ako. I told them to forget it, thanks, I'll go by myself.
I got on the bus at 7:30 and found a seat next to a fat guy. When the turn to SM Centerpoint came, I friggin' almost fell off my seat! I SURE HOPE nobody saw that. Anyway, an hour later, my classmate sends me an sms saying that we have no Physics lab prof. Sh*t. My next class was not until
1pm. Sucks. Because of that, it became
Ubos Load Day! I was calling Joven, but he wasn't picking up. I called Marlon, turns out his brother had his phone. Then I called Laine, finally. But she tells me my barkada went out and she doesn't know where they went exactly. Darn it.
I had to hang out with the other block but they have a class at 10. So I have to think of where else to hang out until 1. It was still 9am, so I called Spark and asked him if he would advise me to go to his place and go back to school at 1. He calls me on my phone and talks on and on but basically, he means NO. So I said,
"Ok, I'll tell my barkada to come back to school and get me instead." Then I hung up. He thought I was mad at him or something but I was just REALLY troubled. So he calls me a few minutes later that he's going to come for me. At this point,
sa totoo lang, naluluha na ako sa pagka-loner.
It was around 10:30 when Spark told me that he was near my school already. It was raining REALLY heavy. Earl used Joven's phone to ask where I was exactly because he was going to come and get me. Whew. I told Earl not to come anymore because Spark was coming. Spark and I went to watch Spider-man 2 while eating KFC (O d'ba may plugging!). I honestly felt a lot better when I saw Spark..even if I made him feel like I was mad at him. (Bitch ba?? Haha!) Call me
mababaw but I really hate being alone. I'm afraid of being alone.
I got home a few minutes before 7pm. It sure was a looong and tiring day. I'm glad my mum came home first, so she cooked my amah's food. She even told me that she came to work late.
Ayan kasi. Sabi-sabi male-late 'pag hinatid ako, nagkatotoo tuloy. Ang salbahe ko!! Haha.. I just find it such a lame excuse for not taking me to school. Just say you can't if you don't want to. I'll accept that whole-heartedly. Don't make up lies and other stuff. I hate that.
Tomorrow, I'll tell you about my barkada. This sh*t's becoming too long. Sorry if I'm too bad or bitchy.. that just goes to show that I'm human. ^-^ mmmwah!!
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