*Welcome!
INSTRUCTIONS:
- Hit F11 on your keyboard.
- Navigation is to your left.
- Hit F5 to go back here.
- Arrows pointing downward are your friends.
- Click X on upper righthand corner to escape.
This is the 3rd layout and URL change for this year, 2006. I don't think I'd be changing it again soon.
Design: Tiiin*
GFX Editor: Adobe Photoshop and Adobe ImageReady
Lyrics: Crossfade's "No Giving Up" and "Starless"
Special thanks to: Yahoo! Geocities, Yahoo! toolbar, people who blog, and people who write tutorials.
Site Feed: http://hopelessandgrayedout.blogspot.com/atom.xml
The Tiiin Commandments
written by Demsey Ube
- Dapat lagi alam ni Tin kung nasaan ka lalo na kung magkasama kayo kanikanina lang.
- Dapat magsasabe agad kay Tin kung magmmigrate sa ibang bansa bago maging shota.
- Dapat supportive sa studies ni Tin.
- Dapat close sa mga barkada at maging kabarkada rin.
- Pag ayaw ni Tin, huwag nang pilitin; kundi, alam mo na kung saan ka pupulutin.
- Kung game ka magpakilala sa parents ni Tin, game rin sha.
- Dapat mature mag-isip. Ayaw ni Tin magalaga ng baby damulag.
- Huwag magppropose kay Tin na itatanan at papaaralin ng Medicine dahil di yan effective. (Tried and tested)
- Hindi papatol si Tin sa mga totoys kahit pa may back-up na friend/s, mababasted lang ng kung ilang beses.
- Love tin honestly and wholly. She can compromise naman, basta wag lang maabuso at kawawain si Tin. She
will love you back. Promise. (Hindi ko to inedit. Si Dems may gawa nian :)
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Feels Just Right
We had to attend make-up classes for Physics this morning. Before I left home, the sun was smiling brightly at me as though it was telling me that it's gonna be a good and dry day. While I was near the jeep stop however, it started pouring. God probably said,
Kafal ng peys mo!! Nagpapanggap ka na naman, badaf ka!! Uhm!! I left home wearing a skirt and a low v-neck top. Rar.
There's a scheduled seminar at 1pm. Supposedly about careers? I'm just guessing. LOL The organizers never really tell us what these things are for. They just require us to come. It was funny actually. After having lunch, one of the bugoys asked me if we were attending the said seminar. I said, 'Baka indi na ako makaattend kasi susunduin ako nila papa.' And they all went WOOOOOOOT!! or something similar as if they were awaiting announcements for the suspension of classes. LOL Turns out, they were waiting for me to decide whether I'll allow them to play DOTA or not. Cute. ^-^
Anyway, I wasn't able to go because it was past 2pm and it hasn't even started yet. Plus, my family was already waiting for me. We went out to eat 'lunch' (LOL) and then went shopping. My bro actually wanted to buy his mp3 player then and there. So we went around looking for one and I saw one that was just right for me. LOL No. I did not have any intentions whatsoever to buy an mp3 player. It's a Creative MuVo 256MB for Php3k. No radio because I got my 'di-matinong fone' 6510 for that purpose.
It feels really nice to be out having fun with my family. I had missed that. And I really enjoyed IMMENSELY. It was funny actually. We bought 2 mp3 players for Php6K. Cash. So my parents were SO out of cash. LOL And when we were about to eat meryenda, my mum was scourging her bag for small bills so we can eat. HAHAHA!! We were eating at KFC when she said, 'Grabe. Ngayon lang nangyari to sa tin ah. Walang wala.' Hahaha!! Times like these, I'd like to think that life is perfect and it's not about how much money you have, it's about being happy together regardless of anything.
Today just feels so right. ^-^ I feel so light. So this is how it's like, huh? When you're free from hiding, all the lies and all the BS. It feels good. ^-^ For once in my life, I feel and I KNOW that I've done something right.
Maybe I won't have to work all my brain cells to come up with some thing to give to her? Maybe this is the gift my mum has been waiting for all her life.. ^-^ Love you Ma.
Tiiin* was starless at
11:01 PM
0 star(s)
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Freed - Quite.
tr.v. freed, free·ing, frees
To set at liberty; make free: freed the slaves; free the imagination.
To relieve of a burden, obligation, or restraint: a people who were at last freed from fear.
To remove obstructions or entanglements from; clear: free a path through the jungle.
It's nice to finally let out what I feel. Alam mo yun. Pag natatae ka tas pinipigilan mo, di ba ang sakit sa ulo, sa chan tas parang di ka mapakali? Parang ganun pala yun pag sinusuppress mo yun mga nararamdaman mo. Pag ayaw mong ilabas or ayaw mo iaccept na lalabas na. Ayun. Kumabaga sa tae, naitae ko na. Kahit ipagsigawan ko sa buong mundo yung totoo, kaya ko na. Kasi tanggap ko na. Ang sarap pala ng feeling. ^-^
Pero sa kabila nun, hindi pa rin pala ako free. May masasaktan pa pala ako or nasasaktan na. Ayoko ng ganung feeling. Nakakairita. Kung pwede namang wag manakit, bakit hindi di ba?? Pero kailangan. Desidido na talaga ako. Mas masakit kung kasama ko yung taong boyfriend ko dapat pero ibang tao iniisip ko, ibang tao naaalala ko kumpara sa iiwan ko nalang. That way, pwede pa shang makahanap ng tao na para sa kanya talaga. Hindi yun nagaaksaya lang sha ng panahon nia sa akin. Di ba?
Anong kasunod? Hindi ko pa alam. Ayaw ko pa kasi talang igive up yun love ko kay MF. Ayaw ko pang ibaon sa limot. Akala ko nabaon ko na. Indi pa pala. Tanga ko talaga. Basta. Ewan ko. Gusto ko lang, wala akong nasasagasaan habang ginagamot ako ng panahon. Ayoko na mangdamay ng mga tao. At yun ay kung pagagalingin ako ng panahon.
Sabado. Sa araw na yun magtatapos ang kahibangang ito. Nang maayos. Official. Sana.
Eww. Ang drama ko. LOL. Pasensya na.
Basta. Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
8:48 PM
0 star(s)
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Uncertainty
n 1: being unsettled or in doubt; "the uncertainty of the outcome" [syn: uncertainness] [ant: certainty] 2: the state of being unsure of something [syn: doubt, incertitude, dubiety, doubtfulness, dubiousness] [ant: certainty]
I've been having a lot of major mood swings these past few weeks. One minute I'm all excited and happy about something and then the next minute I'm just too depressed.
Yesterday, my friends and I were talking and Fanny just had that urge to speak out sharply. Too sharply that it made me cry. He said two things:
'Mababaw ka kase.'
'Tinatanggap mo lang yung gusto mong marinig.'
I cried because of the first one. I got hurt. He said that the truth hurts. I say if it's true, why should it hurt? When it comes to making me happy with material things, true, I'm mababaw. When it comes to other things? I'm not sure. I'm just too complicated that even I don't understand myself sometimes. And it's not true that I only accept what I want to hear. If it were, I would have been mad because of what he said. Di ba?! But I'm not. :)
I really appreciate and love my friends for what they're trying to teach me. Sometimes they just have to make me cry to make me realize that something's not right for me. I mean there's that part of me screaming, squirming, trying to get out and tell me that some things need to be corrected but I just won't listen. And I don't know why.
'Mas masaya ka nun nung kasama mo si MF.'
It's true. I think everyone I know knows that I still love him. I don't know why but I do. I tried to let him go but I just couldn't because I wouldn't. We barely talk so no one could really say that (I am/he is/we are) trying to get us back together. We know each other's number but we rarely send SMS to each other. But that's really not the issue. It is not an issue.
All I'm saying is, I am involving innocent people in my ridiculously complicated life and I feel that I am becoming the most selfish, unfair b*tch there ever could be. And as much as I would like to let go of these innocents, I feel that I couldn't because I'm uncertain of what could happen or what could be in the future. It would just shatter my frozen heart into tiny pieces as it slips from my grasp and lands painfully on the floor. But the pain would no longer be felt as it had been frozen then.
I want to live without fear. Live freely. But I am afraid of what the future may be, of what could happen and I'm afraid of being alone. What now? Maybe I should start living. REALLY living. Maybe I should start attacking my fears and try to overcome them one by one. Maybe I should start by living alone..
Tiiin* was starless at
11:14 PM
0 star(s)
Sunday, September 18, 2005
For All the Wrong Reasons
Sensitive and always attuned to others' needs -- that's you. It's a delightful trait, but make sure that others aren't taking advantage of your good natured and considerate ways. Are you feeling like someone's relying a little too heavily on your easygoing personality? Listen to that feeling -- it's not sounding your own personal alarm system for nothing, you know. Maybe it's time to speak up and set this person straight.
Whadduppppppppppppppp?!
I think, therefore I am.
LOL.
I dunno. I have A LOT that I want to write but I just don't have the drive to type them all up. Woot.
Study!
Will post something better soon.
Promise.
Love ya! Mwahx!
Tiiin* was starless at
4:26 PM
0 star(s)
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Troughs and Crests
Currently listening to:Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:School Productivity: 1 2 3 4 5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3 4 5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4
5Fun: 1 2
3 4 5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4 5 (Pif..Indi ko pa pala nachange un template..:()
I meant to post this earlier but I dunno. The window just stopped responding and I had to rewrite stuff. Well, ok. It's not that bad since I hadn't written a lot.
Anyway, yes, I'm still depressed. Things haven't changed one bit. I wonder when this will all end. And when they do, I hope they all end well.
Hai. I think my body's taking it's toll on me. My brain included. My system don't seem to function too well anymore. My brain's too slow. Like today, when Babes was asking me about what to do with the embryo, she repeated the question 3 or 4 times and I still couldn't get it. I mean, I hear what she's saying but I can't seem to understand it. I can't make words out of it. Plus, I couldn't get out of bed this morning. I had set the clock to alarm at 7am but I dunno. It just didn't ring and I couldn't get up. LOL. I feel dizzy and weak and whatever. Whatever.
School's becoming worse by the minute. People hate us there! I swear! I mean, what could we have done?! Take for example Showie. She's a super biatch. She won't lend or spare us stuff. As if we ever never gave her anything. That psycho. Hai.
Last Friday, we had to attend mass because the BioSoc sponsored it or something. Whatever. Basta we had to go. The gospel was about removing the speck from another person's face when you haven't looked at your own face. (Did you get that?? I'm super sabog.) So anyway, it's true. We all should look at our own weaknesses first before we could be good enough to tell other people about theirs.
I had hoped Ma'am Amarillo would be hit by that gospel. She's been a super biatch lately too. As if she was too damned perfect. She can tell her students what they're doing wrong and all but sana naman in a nice way. She need not be mataray or whatever's similar to that.
The final song was also a good shot. Especially to Showie. She was even part of the choir. Anyway, the song goes 'Walang sinuman ang nabubuhay para sa sarili lamang..' Hai. I SO hope it hit her where it hurts most. Lately, people are beginning to show their true colors: they think of nothing else but their own welfare, f*ck everyone else. Ang masasabi ko lang, si God na bahala sa inyo. ^-^
Right now, school's what I'm really thinking about more. F*ck my personal life muna and everything else. Submission for slides is fast approaching. The doctor we found who we thought could help us talaga is gone. I mean, he won't be able to help us because the med tech daw is on leave. Woot. It's ok. I just hope we get our blocks back - WALANG LABIS, WALANG KULANG. I really do hope and pray for that. Tomorrow, I must call other laboratories that could help us. Please cross your fingers for us and pray that we could get through this.
Dems has been like an angel for me. He gives super good advice talaga. I've been super tired with everything - AS IN EVERYTHING - and he was there to tell me that 'kaya binibigay sa iyo ni God yang mga problema na yan, kase alam Nia na kaya mong solusyunan.' BS or not, I'd like to believe that I can. And if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that behind me is a GREAT GOD that pushes me to my limits. +10 CLANG CLANG! Hehehe! Love You po, GOD. Thank You sa lahaaat. ^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
10:58 PM
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