Saturday, April 29, 2006
The Trip I Never Thought I'd be On (A Recount)
Day 1 : Arrival at Kansai
We arrived yesterday, April 28, 2006, at Kansai airport around 7:30 Japan time. We waited for about half an hour for Mike to come pick us up. The farting roaming thing won't work because the farting fone which was supposedly quad-band is actually tri-band. Bye bye roaming.
We took the bus to Kobe which was a farting one-hour drive. And then I had to drag my bags across the streets of Kobe, up and down the stairs just to get to the train station. Yes. Me. I. I was dragging my baggage and then I had this hand-carry bag full of food and then a handbag. And mind you, the walk was NOT a joke. I remembered what I forgot - my vitamins.
We finally arrive at the hotel at around 10 or so. We had dinner at Yoshinoya and gawd the chicken was heavenly. Luckily, Mike left his laptop here at the hotel and then he borrowed an adsl cable so we can get access to the Internet. Ah, feels good to know I have communication with my family back hone. We closed our peepers by 1am.
No pics yet.
**First blood! My period started right after the plane landed. LOL.
Day 2 : Shop til you drop!
Our day started at 9am. OMG. It feels so awkward to wake up so early. Mike had planned for us to go shopping the entire day. And we did. And OMG it wasn't SUPER fun. Shopping's SUPPOSED to be funnn!! OMG. We walked through 3 tunnels of shopping stalls and we've gone into lotsa malls!! It was SUPER tiring. Anyway..so far, I got:
*Sony T9 - 38,000 Yen
*T9 LCD Guard - 680 Yen
*Chocolates -1800 Yen
*Wrist rest for laptop - 460 Yen
*CC Lemon Drink 1.5L - 193 Yen
*3 pcs Pooh Mobile Chains - 300 Yen
*Salt and pepper mill - 1200 Yen
OMG. It's my 2nd day and I've reduced all my Yen into almost half!! Hahaha! Good luck to me. Currently 23:46. I'm drinking green tea, the real thing. LOL. I feel like I'm getting sick but I so hope I won't. It rained twice today. I got soaked twice today. Elk!
Day 3 : Himeji Castle
This one kinda sucked. I thought they had preserved what the rooms looked like before. But it's okei, I saw Yaiba's slippers. LOL!
I don't think I bought anything from there. Or I can't remember. LOL
Day 4 : More shopping and Universal Studios Japan
Shopping at Nike, Porto Bazar, was at the top of the list. LOL. I got a pair for my dadi, another pair for Lester and a pair of slipper for my mum. I also got 2 shoe bags, one blue and one black for my bro and for Liezel. I think I spent 1 lapad there for all that. Hahaha!
We got to USJ at 3 in the afternoon so we didn't have time to experience everything there. I only got the chance to take the Spider-Man ride (which was the most exciting ride there) and Jaws. OMG I can't remember the other rides. Oh right. We saw some live shows such as the Waterworld.
We also saw some mascots. I was able to take pictures with them but it was kinda scary because they were huge and I feel like the people inside can't see me and blah.
Day 5 : Kyoto, Kyoto des.
This one was kinda far and it was a huge place with lots of temples inside but one has to take the bus to go to each one. We didn't have enough time to visit all of them so we only saw one temple. It was the Golden Pavilion. I'm not sure whether it was just painted gold or if it was really made of gold but I dunno, the foundation which was out of wood, didn't look like it could support that much gold.
After that, we went to the Osaka Aquarium. It was nice there but then they didn't have too many exotic fishies. I had wanted to buy souvenirs from there but I dunno, something was holding me back from doing so. LOL.
Day 6 : Bullet train to Tokyo
The ride from Osaka to Tokyo took 3 hours or more, by bullet train. The ride was okei but then we had our luggage with us so it was kinda difficult to move about, trying to squeeze inside the train with tons of other people. At the same time, I was sick that day. I was having tummy ache and diarrhea. I couldn't eat normally but my aunt and uncle and cousin were pushing me to eat solid foods so I had no choice. Good luck with the stops to poo. LOL. Nonetheless, good thing my aunt brought Chinese tablets so I was kinda able to recover. ^^
This picture was taken just when the train was arriving. It was damn fast!
Day 7 : The Infamous Temple
Nuff said. Can't remember what we did after or before this. LOL. OMG. Ulyanin.
Day 8 : Everyday, everyday the magic is here!
In the morning, we went to see the Tokyo tower. We didn't go too close to it because it was pretty far and we had to walk to get to it. I didn't want to pursue getting near it because that will only wear my aunt and uncle out and that spells bye bye Disney Resort for me. At the same time, we went into the temple near the tower. As usual, I stopped to pray for the usual stuff. :P
And yes, the moment I've been waiting for. Disney Resort!! I took my first rollercoaster ride here and it was THE bomb!! ^^
Day 9 : Trip to reality.
Aww. No more magic for me. :c All in all, it was a wonderful trip. Getting to different places was wearisome because of the long walks and the transferring from one train to the other, the long rides but at the end of the day, after I see a part of Japan, I feel good about it. It's all worth the foot pains and the hunger pangs. The difficult part is being with my aunt and uncle who are OMG-oh-so-kulit people. No one can win any argument with them. It's like, they rule. And that's why God put them together, I think, they're the perfect brain-exploding, blood-boiling, nerve-popping people anyone could ever be with. And my cousin was okei to be with but then when his friend, Ning, tags along with us, he keeps going with her and then he leaves us behind. :(
You should be able to see more pictures in my Friendster profile. I would like to give out the link to my cousin's album on Yahoo! but I don't have his permission so I can't. :c
The case of the X left me 2 messages on Friendster recounting their trip to God-knows-where. I only skimmed it and after that my eyes just kinda rolled on their own to mean 'wth is he telling that for?'. I mean, really, I didn't ask about his trip. I am not his personal diary. He should start writing his own blog for stuff like that. And why does he keep expecting things from me and telling me what to dooo!! ARGHHH!! Pif.. When will we ever get tired of this?
And tadah! Guess what? My dad is planning to quit his job. :O Yep. Super :O for me. It's like I'm so back to living my real life that I got new, more problems to think about. I have no idea about the PLM College of Med results yet. If I am not qualified for that, I'd be working nalang. Here or abroad, doesn't matter. I just need to be able to not let my dad keep pestering my mum for money in the future, if ever. Good luck to us. @_@
Welcome back to me.. 9_9
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Friday, April 28, 2006
Babay na... sa Ating Alaala
Nagmumunimuni ako kanina habang naglalaba ako ng pantie. Bigla ko naalala na may ilang beses ko palang ipinagdasal na kung hindi sha ang lalakeng para sa akin, ilayo na Niya kami sa isa't isa. Ito na pala yun. Malapit na rin sha umalis papuntang Tate. Ako naman, hindi talaga dapat pupuntang Japan pero biglang ako yung pinapapunta. Ito na nga. Ang galing.
Sa pag-alis ko, dadalhin ko lahat ng alala at pagbalik ko, sana makalimutan na kita. Sana rin pagbalik mo ng Baguio, makalimutan mo na ako.
It's one fine day to start living and letting God. Peace out.
PS. I will try to blog using the e-mail features of my phone. I pray to God that the roaming and my fone would work. Thank you, God. I love you po.
PPS. Mamimiss ko kayo.. Wala lang.. ^^ Ingat kayo lahat.. Mwahx!
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Lost
I forgot what I was supposed to write about. Darn it. LOL.
Oh well.
I'm done packing. I thought I would be carrying light luggage since I'd only be staying there for 9 days. But now that I look at it, it seems I'll be bringing 2 bags. One for food. LOL My mami's taking me to the supermarket tom so I can pick what I wanna eat.
Hmm.. I can't seem to think straight..
I'll be using my uncle's number pala. I'll text some peeps the number before I go. And no. I won't give it out to insensitive people. Hmpz.
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Dreams
Currently listening to: Meredith Brooks - Bitch
Waw. Super soundtrip. Hahaha!
Know what? I'm really getting tired of telling him how insensitive he is. Or how kapal he is. I don't get it. Why is he like that? Hasn't anyone taught him that when he does someone wrong, he can't expect that same person to give him any favors? Pif. And then he expects for everything to be the same as before. God. The nerve. And who does he think he is telling me what to do and what not to do. *Rolls eyes*
I realized that the 28th falls on a Friday. I''ll be leaving in 2 days!! OMG. And then I counted the days I'd be staying in Japan, turns out, it's not going to be a week after all. It's going to be 9 days. LOL. So anyway, I called the top network providers in the country to know about their roaming services. Globe Telecom requires a week to be able to activate the service, and one has to maintain a Php500 balance. Smart Communications needs an hour for activation and it costs Php20 per text, it blocks both incoming and outgoing calls. Sun cellular offers roaming services only for postpaid subscribers, outgoing text and calls cost about Php20 and Php200, respectively, whereas incoming texts are free and incoming calls cost Php16 approximately. My uncle offered his postpaid Sun sim to me. He says he won't be using it for the month so I can borrow it. ^^
I was in a sort of sunny disposition after that guy stopped bothering me. Pif. And then I realized a few things about myself. I thought I wanted to be a good wife in the future, serving my husband dutifully in all his needs. The dream ends there. LOL No plans of having children yet. Or that's way, way in the future pa. Plus I think I'm beginning to lose trust in men. Here I go again.
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Monday, April 24, 2006
Seeing is Believing
Currently listening to: Join the Club - Nobela
An excerpt from my horoscope on Friendster:
"Maybe you'll have a glimpse of the sense of things, the meaning of life, or a clue as to what you're really looking for."
My relatives are back from Baguio. I'm sad that my family had missed all the fun because we had to attend my graduation rites on the same day my relatives left. :c Nonetheless, I'm glad that my Ai Nene is trying to keep our clan close, just as what my Amah has always dreamed for us to be. And I'm glad that she's finally open up because from what I know about her, she's not one who sacrifices a little bit of business for family. Never too late for an old dog to learn new tricks.
She had invited all of us to her hotel, Prince Plaza, for the inauguration of this talyer-like thing. It was, according to Tita M, so grand that it looked like a showroom rather than a place where grease belongs. The second floor has pool tables, a cafe, and the main office. The third floor is also a place for fixing up cars and stuff.
Tita M was telling me about her son and his girlfriend. I found out that my cousin is one of the aholes who don't know how to treat a girl. Rar. What do they teach in Xavier School?! I thought values formation was a part of the curriculum. So then, the topic was shifted to me and she was telling me that she thinks I have the tendency to go off and marry a Pinoy instead of a Chinese. That kinda got a frown from me. I love my Mami and I promised to myself that I will not hurt her by all means.
My mami was telling me about this Chinese lady at Agora. The one selling ready-to-wear clothes next to the convenience store. The lady told my mami that I had a boyfriend and that I was always with him. In my head, I was like 'wtf?! I have eyes pala kahit sa palengke?!' Well, thinking positively, it means I'm so sikat. Hahaha! But, on the other hand, too late the hero naman yun lady because sorry, ma'am, I no longer have a boyfriend. And I was thinking about how my Mami felt. I figured she must have felt betrayed pero since there is no longer an 'US' naman na, I don't feel guilty about it, more like hiya kase she was the last to know. :c
So yesterday, right, I told my Mami na I love her and she said that she loves me more daw inde ko lang daw alam. Hehe and drama namin! Pero I think we love each other naman equally. I swear I'm trying to be good na. I won't go out with people she doesn't approve to. If anybody wants to make ligaw, they'll have to come see my Mami. And fine, I'll agree to being introduced to the Chinese people she wants me to date. I find it funny, actually. I should have agreed to it before pa but then I had wanted to see for myself what some Pinoys really are. I've known a few good Pinoys and I know one Chinoy who's so like the bad Pinoy. But hey, I ought to try the pure one's and see for myself which one suits me best.
Did I tell you that my Mami finally decided that if I can't get into PLM med school, I'll work nalang? We agreed on that pala. I was really having a hard time deciding so ayun she helped me. Anyway, I saw this job in one of Singapore's laboratories and I had saved it in my JobStreet. Unfortunately, it's no longer there. T_T So yesternoon I was looking for other available jobs and I found one at Republic Polytechnic. It's a teaching job. Hehe! I submitted a cover letter and my resume. They haven't replied yet. I'm not sure if they ever will but at least I tried. ^^
Anyway, naiinis ako sa mga taong akala hawak nila ako. Yun tipong kung mag-aya ng lakad or whatever activity with me, it doesn't sound like an invitation. It sounds more like an order, a command. I hate that. I mean WTF?! Nobody owns me, you aholes!! I will go if
I want to go. If I don't, leave me alone and go find someone else you can bother. GRR!! Btw, if any one wants to see me, ask my MAMI!! RAR!! Ang kakapal ng mukha nio, as in!! And nobody can take me home!! I know my way home!! PHBTTT!!
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Sunday, April 23, 2006
Round and Round We Go
I graduated from college last night. ^^ Finally. Oddly, I did not shed tears. I think I'd still be able to see my friends even if we're all finding our own place in this world. ^^ If they're real friends, they'd keep contact. And same goes for me. ^^
I was kinda pissed last night because my fone ran out of battery. :c I wasn't able to take pics with my friends and family with it. Sucks. Rar. I had uploaded the one and only pic it was able to take before the batt totally ran out. It's the one with Kevin.
Bertz and Toyz went to the event. I saw Toyz on my way out but I couldn't come near him because I was with my family. I also saw Bertz at the gazebo near the canteen. Same story, I wasn't able to speak to him. He was texting that he had wanted to give me my graduation gift. There isn't really any need for one and di ba? How can I get it from him without being seen. Eh he's too tall to be unnoticed. He even went near my place so that he could give it to me. Talk about impractical. There ARE other days? The world will not end if I don't get it from him that same night?
I'm getting tired of the drama that some guys do for whatever reason. If they think it's helping in keeping a girl interested, it's not and whoever taught them that has to be beaten to death.
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Friday, April 21, 2006
Foolish Games
Currently listening to: 6 Cycle Mind - I
at ngayon wala ka na, hindi alam kung saan magsisimulaI was cleaning the stairs a while back when the video of Green Day's 'Wake Me Up When September Ends' crossed my mind. It's about this guy who was about to marry this girl but he joins the army thinking that she would be proud of him. This is commonly the problem of guys. They keep on thinking on how to make their gurls proud of them. But what for? Will making their gurls proud of them make their gurls love them more? So why is the girl in the video angry and not proud? It's because she's afraid that she might lose him. Do guys ever think that their gurls need them? Doesn't the mere fact that gurls need their guys make guys proud enough?
It's amazing how my friends can give me confidence without me having to say that I need it. It doesn't matter whether they're telling me the truth about how I look or not because I will believe it for the sake of finishing the show. It's really good to have real friends. And I love them for that. I hope I could leave them a token of gratitude for everything. I never thought I'd find real people in college than when I was in high school. The only real friend I got left from hs is Merrie. And I love her for keeping it real with me. Sa mga friends ko, mwahx salamat sa inyo. Without you guys, I would probably be still stuck in the 'weak Tin'.
I also find it amazing how I can overshadow my emotions by keeping myself busy with anything and everything. But when people ask me about it, the emotion surfaces but I still try to hide it and say everything's fine. But you should know that I have been broken into pieces again for the n thousandth time. And some of my friends have translated into words what I really feel inside so now I have metaphoric interpretations of that: It's like having a business deal wherein your business partner extends his hand to shake yours and says, 'It's been a pleasure doing business with you'. It's like having one of those door-to-door surveyors at your doorstep wherein he closes his folder, hands you a souvenir and says 'Thank you for your time'. As much as I am a forgiving person, I cannot allow myself to be exposed to more harm than I should be. I love myself. I should help myself before helping others. Pity should never be the number one factor that should hold any kind of relationship.
Btw, we had our baccalaureate mass yesternoon, right? I had to change into a Sunday dress. :c I'm not really comfy to be in a dress with a lot of people who know me. Baliktad ba ako? Should I be more shy around people who don't know me personally?
My Winamp playlist for a couple of weeks now:
1. Ne-yo - So sick
2. Kitchie Nadal - Same Ground (the MF song)
3. 6 Cycle Mind - I
4. Join the Club - Nobela
5. Bone Thugs and Mariah Carey - Breakdown (remix)
6. Beyonce - Dangerously in Love 2
7. Evanescence - My Immortal [Acoustic] (the amah song :c)
There really isn't anything that can change my decision.
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Dirty Little Secrets
This will be quick as my eyes are about to close. LOL
It seems like a pretty nice day.
*I finally got my 6111 when I got home. Weee!! LOL! I can't believe I really have it now. And that my DADI bought it for me.
*I also got my grad pix, supposedly reprinted or something. Whatever. My mummy says we're not having my blown-up pic framed. I'm retaking it elsewhere. But I'll be ready for trading pix as soon as I get copies.
*I got my VISA! Haha! 15 days. So I'm leaving on the 28th of April at 2.40pm. And then I'm taking the plane back home on May 6 at 9.30am. We're going to Osaka and then Tokyo! Woot! I hope I have fun ^^
*Errr.. this one's pretty sablay.. I should do as Demsey says. And there should be no turning back now. OWNING!!
Some prob: I have grad practice at 12.30pm tomorrow and at 4pm we're having the baccalaureate mass. We're supposed to wear a Sunday dress for the mass so we can either wear it na when we go for practice or bring it to change after practice. What to do, what to do?
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Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Shopping's Supposed to be FUN
Currently listening to: Bey0nce = Danger0usly in Lurve 2
Rar. I went to SM Sta Mesa with my Ai C. OMG it's so embarassing to be with her!! T_T She's always returning the stuff she bought and exchanging them for something else or for the same thing. Today she had this 5 in 1 bathroom container thing exchanged because the thing was loose. She couldn't close it properly. She had 2 of the same product opened just to prove my theory that it WAS built that way. OMG!! Super kulit!! And before that, we went straight to the section where she bought those items which was on the 3rd floor but then she knew all along that she had to obtain some receipt from the customer service which was located on the first floor!! WAAA!!
Before my amah even got sick, she had told me to take care of my Ai C. To take her shopping and stuff and not leave her to be on her own. That was all that was keeping me to accompany her!! She's lucky my amah made bilin her to me. GRR.
Anyway, I bumped into Claire on our way out of the mall. Anu daw ginagawa ko dun. LOL I just said Oi to her and then I said Sige hahaha! I dunno what to say, dude. We were close before but after things, it's not the same anymore.
I didn't find what I had wanted to buy at the mall :( It's hard to describe it because I really don't know much about clothes. Bahala na. I hope we're allowed to wear sleeveless? 0.0 I bought chicken caesar salad from KFC instead (pampalubagloob, tama ba?) wahaha! Of course, I cannot not buy my Ai C food so I bought her the combo burger meal thing. I'm good. I know.
My cousin, Kuya Eric, called to tell me that I'm going to be the godmum of his daughter. Er..wait..daughter nga ba? Hahaha! I'm not sure about the gender. I heard you can't say no to such things. Tatanggihan ka daw ng grasya sa next time. So I had to say yes. Elk! He says the christening is on the 7th of May. If I go to Japan, I'm not sure if I'd be home exactly on the 6th because I'm leaving on the 29th of April and I'll be staying there for a week. Proxy should be the answer. Ugh.. Getting old :(
My parents slept with us last night. That kind of thing happens once in a year specifically during new year's eve. My mummy was trying to be comfy. :( I feel sad for her because besides the teeth thing she's having allergic reactions to something so she keeps on scratching her back. Yikes!
OMG I forgot about my laundry!
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Monday, April 17, 2006
Swear Off to Indulge In Again
Currently listening to: Join the Club - Nobela
I pity my mommy. She had 5 teeth pulled out and then her gums were sewn up. Yikes! She must be in pain but she doesn't look like it as she's been tattling on with my aunts. 0.0 It's just sad that she can't eat normally. She resorted to oatmeal and soup for dinner. :( I hope she heals soon. Or wait, maybe this situation may make her healthier. ^^
I suddenly became interested in Bianca Gonzalez. I've been seeing her a lot on 'Pilipinas, Game K N B?'. I'm not bored. LOL I'm just catching up on some TV and at the same time, I'm getting tired of sitting in front of this laptop playing DOTA or Ragnarok or solving Zest riddles. Which reminds me, I still have episodes of 'One Tree Hill' I haven't seen that I downloaded months ago. Back to Bianca. LOL Kris was asking her what she does during her free time and she said that she likes to blog and read other people's blogs. Cool. Anyway, I think she's smart because she's been on the game show for weeks now and she's got Php250K already. Who's Director Lino Cayetano? That's her boyfriend, I read. But I guess I'm not THAT interested because I haven't read a thing about the Cayetano guy.
We might not go to Baguio nga pala because of my mommy's teeth problem. It's okei. She ought to rest. And I'm not dying to go there anyway. After the MF incident, I've never felt comfy around that aunt. :( Ugh.. MF..
Speaking of men, what do most gurls do after a break up? Or what have I always done after a break up? I sulk, eat, commit things that I thought were the most acceptable at that time only to end up regretting them and then I swear off men only to indulge in them again after I've finally recovered. Who doesn't get sick of this 'cycle'? Truth be told, I'm getting bored with 'entertaining' boys (they wouldn't be called men as they do not think like those) or 'flirting' as most people refer to it. It's the same old thing anyway, only it's in a different package wrapped in a different kind of ribbon and paper. It's the same chocolate-coated words only with varying sweetness to attract you to eat it and get you toothache in the end. Sweet, isn't it?
I had wanted to write a list of 'things I hate in guys' but I figured I might go on and on and not finish it at all. Maybe I should put it on my sidebar and then I could add to the list as things progress. LOL Wtf.
Oh oh! I'm going to Japan, right, if I get a VISA? You see, my dad doesn't really want me to go to Japan. He says it's expensive and that the cost of living there is high blah. Actually, I'm not the one who's originally going to Japan, it's my brother. And during those days, my dad was all thumbs up about my bro going. So my bro was telling me about it. He says it's weird that he's allowing him but he doesn't want me to go. I settled his confusion by asking only one question: 'who are you?' Obviously, he's Patrick. ^^ This is the main reason why I've been pushing my mom to change her decision about letting me go. I didn't want my dad to have more reason to hate me.
I don't seem all excited about graduating. :( What's wrong?
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Sunday, April 16, 2006
Snip Snip
Currently listening to: Ne-yo - So Sick
Haiz. 0kei. In a jiffy, looks like we're not moving to Malabon after all. Gawd. Here's the l0ng story. Turns out that my mum doesn't really want to move. I want to move. My bro wants to move. My dad wants to move. So my mom couldn't decide on it right? She uses some sphere block cut into 2 to ask for guidance at the temple and here at home. Buddha says no and my amah angkong says no, too. But when my dad used the sphere, amah angkong said yes. OMG so gulo.
I was analyzing things. Believing that amah and angkong are really answering our Q's. I figured that they probably didn't want us to move because when we do, how about aku Roman and ai Cita? What would become of them? And where does my mami go when she's having trouble herself?
I asked amah rin if she thinks that I'm going to become a doctor and she said yes. Hihi! My bro asked if he'd become the president of the Red Cross at UST but amah and angkong said no. Wahaha!
So sad we're not moving.. I thought that would be like a new beginning for me. :( But my parents said that we'll be staying there on weekends. Wenk! Bahala na. :)
My dad's turning into a Buddhist. Or so he claims. LOL It's 7pm now and he's doing this oration thing with my mum. Hahaha! OMG. What is the world coming to? Are we really allowed to worship 2 gods?
Speaking of religion, my bro was telling me about the gospel of Judas. He saw it on National Geographic. See what I miss when I'm up in my room? Haiz. Anyway, it was said that Judas is a nice man and he was only instructed to betray Jesus. Come to think of it, if he didn't betray Him, He wouldn't have died on the cross. Yes? Google for 'the gospel of Judas' or check out National Geographic's website for more info. My bro was telling me that during the breaking of the bread, Jesus was laughing but it was a different kind of laugh it was as if He was saying 'You think you're worshipping the true God?'. Yikes! Should have seen it! Darn. :(
I didn't go to mass today. That's 2 succeeding Sundays for me. I couldn't find the inspiration to do so. Sick, am I? I just can't. I feel like if I go see Mama Mary and tell her about all my stuff I might breakdown and cry then and there. Stupid. I thought God-fearing people feared nothing but God. Never thought they were whiners. Rar. Whiners are weak.
The agenda for next week:
© 19th - Go back to Japan Embassy to claim VISA (if I get accepted LOL)
© 19th - Pick-up toga from PLM between 9am - 4pm
© 20th - Attend grad practice in PLM at 12:30pm
© 20th - Attend baccalaureate mass in PLM at 4pm
© 22nd - Graduation day! Woot!
© 22nd - Travel to Baguio. LOL!
© Okei, some time before the 19th, I better go shopping for the cardigan-like thing I need. I can't go sleeveless on such formal occasions, I'm sorry. T_T Too conservative.
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Black Like the Color of the Night
Currently listening to: Chicago Symphony Orchestra - Suite from The Nutcracker: III. Valise Des Fleurs (Suitcase of flowers, I think)
Black Dress
I found a dress for my graduation. It's not THE dress I was looking for but when I tried it on it was PERFECT. LOL. Gumaganun pa. Anyway, plain lang naman sha. May pin na flower na removable and then may loosely sewn sa belly part so it can hide the fatness within. Wakoko! Now I have to look for THE black shoes to go with it. Sorry, I don't want to wear pink with black. Rar.
Black Keys
I was listening to Matchbook Romance's Promise and Yellowcard's Only One and then I got tired of it so I added my entire music folder on my playlist but I got tired of that, too. So I'm shifting to classical music. Heard it makes the brain bigger. LOOOL. Plus, it's really relaxing..
Black Squares
I'm getting addicted to crossword puzzles. Wakoko! Check out Stan here!
Black Night
Things don't seem to be any different. It's more confusing. It's just sad.
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Monday, April 10, 2006
Promise of Pain
Currently listening to: Matchbook Romance - Promise
She looks at her image on the mirror. And for the first time, she really sees. She saw brown eyes that were screaming pain and sadness back at her. She isn't happy with him anymore. She isn't happy without him either. What now? It's a lose-lose situation.
what would you say if i asked you not to go
to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go
and the stars aren't out tonight,
but neither are we to look up at them
why does hello feel like goodbye?
these memories can't replace,
these wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right
i never thought i'd be the one to say
please don't, please don't leave me
i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy
i fall asleep tonight, coz that brings me closer to you
"I'll never let them hurt you. I promise."
Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?
How can I? You will never understand how much I loved you and how much it hurt when I felt betrayed by you.
I promised to myself that I will not cry. But something inside me is screaming, trying to get its self out because it feels like it's being strangled to death. And perhaps it should just run out of air and die.
I'm right. This IS my karma. How many more, God? Please send me a lifetime supply of glue and packaging tape. Thanks so much.
Tiiin* was starless at 7:09 PM
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Sunday, April 09, 2006
Some Deadly Ones
Currently listening to: Ashanti + Notorious = Unfoolish
Pride
Case No. 1: I wrote a few old friends testimonials on Friendster. Some of them approved the stuff I wrote no matter how short or shallow or silly. But some probably just didn't give a fart about it. That's okei. LOL Okei it's not. It hurts. Sumkinda. But then I should have been prepared for rejection right?? I mean, the world does not revolve around me. I should know that already!! Duh.
Case No. 2: My dad has been talking a LOT about politics and the Philippines' history. And he talks about it with that air that says 'I know EVERYTHING'. Anyway, I didn't like it one bit. Please don't talk about sh*t when we're dining. Gawd. Makes me want to slim down. (Well I know that's supposed to help but I totally lose my apetite and it changes my mood and I don't like it!!) He keeps on talking and talking and talking. He goes on forever. And when some people go against his ideas he raises his voice and blah. Rar.
Envy
Case No. 1: My brother was saying some awful solution to some problem (I couldn't remember) and then as a joke, I said, "Itong 1.8 na 'to wala naman palang common size." He got a 1.8 average this semester. Anyway, he tells me that I'm 'inggit' because I don't have the same grades. LOL. Why would I be envious of his grade?? I'm not competing with him. I know he's smart and all and I'm not. I'm just sumkinda masipag yun lang. I nor he do not need to compete with each other for anything. Plus, my parents need not encourage him to compete with other students in his class OMG. The only person he's supposed to be competing with is his self. Rar.
Case No. 2: Okei. Granted that I haven't been spending time with you, be it virtual or irl but you need not be jealous. Did you know na napilitan lang talaga ako mag Odin? Because of my stupid state of mind during those days, I was drawn to Odin because of CK. But I hate playing there. I hate my Wiz. I hate IG. I hate the people there!! Why can't you understand that I'm happier here? And when we play what do you do? You just spam me with /kis's and we don't even talk about anything. Honestly, it's boring. It's not fun. Pif. There it's out. But I'll doubt it if you'd understand. More pif.
Blah
I have to wake up early tomorrow to go to NSO or something so I can get my birth cert. Rar. Darn that Japan trip. In the afternoon, I have to go to school to do the next steps towards freedom. LOL How blahish.
Aw. Moodswing. :( I hate it when this happens especially when I'm about to go to bed. :(
Tiiin* was starless at 7:47 PM
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Thursday, April 06, 2006
I Don't Wanna Go Another Day
Currently listening to: Bonnie + Clyde = Jay Z
New Address
I didn't feel comfortable about relatives having access to my blog. Cousins are okei but aunts are not so welcome. Hehe sorry. How can I ever spill my secrets if I got aunts to pass 'em on to my mommy? Anyway, why 'blackstellar'? It represents me. Nuff said. ^^ And my apologies for the delay in updates. :(
Life in General
I'm almost done with school. As in done, done. I have my copy of my thesis here, the rest are there. My ID has been surrendered last Tuesday together with my library card. Ugh. Is this really happening?? LOL Somehow, I just don't want to let go of my 4-yr college life just yet. I feel incomplete. Something's missing and I can't pinpoint what it is exactly. I'm going back on Saturday to pick-up my claim stub and then I'm not sure when I have to go back.
The partial list of about 50 qualified applicants for PLM CM has been released weeks ago. The only PLM Bio student in that list was Marydel. I wonder if I'd get in. I'm sort of limiting myself to that institution. If I don't qualify, I'll give up hopes of becoming a doctor. But another side of me says something doesn't feel right about 'limiting' myself. The other side wants me to fall back on Fatima, where one just has to submit the requirements and then he's qualified.
I wasn't able to make plans for this summer right? Well, my mum was. She wants to send me to Japan for a week late April. Truth is, I'm scared about it because I haven't been to that country before. And from what I've been hearing about the cost of living there, I'm scared that I might one day not eat anything and then die of starvation. LOL. Plus, my dad's been wanting to send me to Singapore again instead of Japan and he wants me to look for a job there. Ughhh!! This part's what I hate, when they have contradicting decisions and then I'm stuck in the middle. My dad thinks it's not worth traveling to Japan. What now?
The agenda today has something to do with Japan. I'm supposed to have my picture taken for the VISA application. Mike, my cousin who goes to Japan a lot for work, says it has that the picture has to be specifically for 'Japanese VISA'. I wonder if that involves dressing up like a schoolgirl. Hehe And now, this is my dilemma, to go or not to go.
The Boys
- He seems so distant lately. No sugar and I somewhat worry. But come to think of it, it's my fault. Yes, I've been pushing him away so I won't get so attached anymore and then it won't hurt so much when he goes. You know me. Advanced, as usual. And afraid to be alone. I'm detaching myself so in the end, it won't feel like he left me. I can't even say some words anymore. But he can't blame me for that, he's got himself to blame. It's like we've been living a lie because he hadn't told me anything about it since he knew it over a year ago or something. Pif.
- He's been calling me, asking me out. I honestly don't feel like going. Even if it could take my mind off matters that are afloat in my head. And yes, I'd feel better if we meet outside and not at his home. He won't hold my hand because he shouldn't and I don't want him to. At least I'm not afraid if he takes me to a movie house. He's never taken advantage of me inside one before. Ever. At least. Plus, I don't want him to have hopes again. What if I don't want to give him his nth chance? And I honestly can't marry him even if he proposes n times. Maybe when I'm all wrinkled and I don't have any choice? Bad. LOL.
- He's been inviting me to go to really far places, where I haven't been if without any relative. It sounds fun and exciting but without my parents' consent, I'm scared about it. What if something happens to me and they don't know where I really am? You get? Anyway, I just have to wait until I'm officially a college grad and then they'll happily let me go to places and I'll have good, clean fun. Patience is a virtue. And he hit a chord when I found out that he's got a girlfriend since last week.
- He's already got his own family for crying out loud!! But whenever he sees my picture he'd say all those crazy things, which he claims were no. 2's 'observations'. But damn, he has GOT to stop. He cannot say he 'likes' me and that I'm 'sayang' anymore. He should think about it this way, what if his daughter were bombarded with men like himself?! Think about that!!
- He, on the other hand, has a girlfriend but thinks she's leaving soon to migrate somewhere and he wants to fool around with me. God. I hate guys like this. What does he think of me?! A cheap fcuk for him to lay?! The answer is no. No matter how nicely he asks. It's a resounding NO. And with him at the wheel, I'm sure the car won't be anywhere far from his favorite place in the world. NO.
- Last but not the least, this, too, also has a girlfriend but he keeps on saying that I'm 'still the Tin in his heart'. What? Does he think he can get me in the sack with those words? I might be misinterpreting his words and I'm sorry but if he just wants the same as above, he's got the wrong person. Sometimes I like his maturity but on other times, I think it's too much.
Anyway, all this has been all too depressing. I've been reading a lot of books and playing a lot of Ragnarok to get my mind off these but I don't know. Something just happens and then I get teary-eyed and all I want to do is make fun of anything and feel happy. Even if it means it's temporary. And on the surface.
Tiiin* was starless at 10:25 AM
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