*Welcome!
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This is the 3rd layout and URL change for this year, 2006. I don't think I'd be changing it again soon.
Design: Tiiin*
GFX Editor: Adobe Photoshop and Adobe ImageReady
Lyrics: Crossfade's "No Giving Up" and "Starless"
Special thanks to: Yahoo! Geocities, Yahoo! toolbar, people who blog, and people who write tutorials.
Site Feed: http://hopelessandgrayedout.blogspot.com/atom.xml
The Tiiin Commandments
written by Demsey Ube
- Dapat lagi alam ni Tin kung nasaan ka lalo na kung magkasama kayo kanikanina lang.
- Dapat magsasabe agad kay Tin kung magmmigrate sa ibang bansa bago maging shota.
- Dapat supportive sa studies ni Tin.
- Dapat close sa mga barkada at maging kabarkada rin.
- Pag ayaw ni Tin, huwag nang pilitin; kundi, alam mo na kung saan ka pupulutin.
- Kung game ka magpakilala sa parents ni Tin, game rin sha.
- Dapat mature mag-isip. Ayaw ni Tin magalaga ng baby damulag.
- Huwag magppropose kay Tin na itatanan at papaaralin ng Medicine dahil di yan effective. (Tried and tested)
- Hindi papatol si Tin sa mga totoys kahit pa may back-up na friend/s, mababasted lang ng kung ilang beses.
- Love tin honestly and wholly. She can compromise naman, basta wag lang maabuso at kawawain si Tin. She
will love you back. Promise. (Hindi ko to inedit. Si Dems may gawa nian :)
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I Don't Wanna Go Another Day
Currently listening to: Bonnie + Clyde = Jay Z
New AddressI didn't feel comfortable about relatives having access to my blog. Cousins are okei but aunts are not so welcome. Hehe sorry. How can I ever spill my secrets if I got aunts to pass 'em on to my mommy? Anyway, why 'blackstellar'? It represents me. Nuff said. ^^ And my apologies for the delay in updates. :(
Life in GeneralI'm almost done with school. As in done, done. I have my copy of my thesis here, the rest are there. My ID has been surrendered last Tuesday together with my library card. Ugh. Is this really happening?? LOL Somehow, I just don't want to let go of my 4-yr college life just yet. I feel incomplete. Something's missing and I can't pinpoint what it is exactly. I'm going back on Saturday to pick-up my claim stub and then I'm not sure when I have to go back.
The partial list of about 50 qualified applicants for PLM CM has been released weeks ago. The only PLM Bio student in that list was Marydel. I wonder if I'd get in. I'm sort of limiting myself to that institution. If I don't qualify, I'll give up hopes of becoming a doctor. But another side of me says something doesn't feel right about 'limiting' myself. The other side wants me to fall back on Fatima, where one just has to submit the requirements and then he's qualified.
I wasn't able to make plans for this summer right? Well, my mum was. She wants to send me to Japan for a week late April. Truth is, I'm scared about it because I haven't been to that country before. And from what I've been hearing about the cost of living there, I'm scared that I might one day not eat anything and then die of starvation. LOL. Plus, my dad's been wanting to send me to Singapore again instead of Japan and he wants me to look for a job there. Ughhh!! This part's what I hate, when they have contradicting decisions and then I'm stuck in the middle. My dad thinks it's not worth traveling to Japan. What now?
The agenda today has something to do with Japan. I'm supposed to have my picture taken for the VISA application. Mike, my cousin who goes to Japan a lot for work, says it has that the picture has to be specifically for 'Japanese VISA'. I wonder if that involves dressing up like a schoolgirl. Hehe And now, this is my dilemma, to go or not to go.
The Boys
- He seems so distant lately. No sugar and I somewhat worry. But come to think of it, it's my fault. Yes, I've been pushing him away so I won't get so attached anymore and then it won't hurt so much when he goes. You know me. Advanced, as usual. And afraid to be alone. I'm detaching myself so in the end, it won't feel like he left me. I can't even say some words anymore. But he can't blame me for that, he's got himself to blame. It's like we've been living a lie because he hadn't told me anything about it since he knew it over a year ago or something. Pif.
- He's been calling me, asking me out. I honestly don't feel like going. Even if it could take my mind off matters that are afloat in my head. And yes, I'd feel better if we meet outside and not at his home. He won't hold my hand because he shouldn't and I don't want him to. At least I'm not afraid if he takes me to a movie house. He's never taken advantage of me inside one before. Ever. At least. Plus, I don't want him to have hopes again. What if I don't want to give him his nth chance? And I honestly can't marry him even if he proposes n times. Maybe when I'm all wrinkled and I don't have any choice? Bad. LOL.
- He's been inviting me to go to really far places, where I haven't been if without any relative. It sounds fun and exciting but without my parents' consent, I'm scared about it. What if something happens to me and they don't know where I really am? You get? Anyway, I just have to wait until I'm officially a college grad and then they'll happily let me go to places and I'll have good, clean fun. Patience is a virtue. And he hit a chord when I found out that he's got a girlfriend since last week.
- He's already got his own family for crying out loud!! But whenever he sees my picture he'd say all those crazy things, which he claims were no. 2's 'observations'. But damn, he has GOT to stop. He cannot say he 'likes' me and that I'm 'sayang' anymore. He should think about it this way, what if his daughter were bombarded with men like himself?! Think about that!!
- He, on the other hand, has a girlfriend but thinks she's leaving soon to migrate somewhere and he wants to fool around with me. God. I hate guys like this. What does he think of me?! A cheap fcuk for him to lay?! The answer is no. No matter how nicely he asks. It's a resounding NO. And with him at the wheel, I'm sure the car won't be anywhere far from his favorite place in the world. NO.
- Last but not the least, this, too, also has a girlfriend but he keeps on saying that I'm 'still the Tin in his heart'. What? Does he think he can get me in the sack with those words? I might be misinterpreting his words and I'm sorry but if he just wants the same as above, he's got the wrong person. Sometimes I like his maturity but on other times, I think it's too much.
Anyway, all this has been all too depressing. I've been reading a lot of books and playing a lot of Ragnarok to get my mind off these but I don't know. Something just happens and then I get teary-eyed and all I want to do is make fun of anything and feel happy. Even if it means it's temporary. And on the surface.
Tiiin* was starless at
10:25 AM
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