Wednesday, September 27, 2006
'Wag Kang Bibitiw Bigla
Currently listening to: Parokya ni Edgar - Iwanan mo na Siya (LOL stupid random list..)
For the last 2 days, all the effort that I have put into studying was worthless. The exams were oh-so-difficult that my friends (who didn't have epektos like I do :P) were saying that they're sure they have 10 questions correct. LOL 10 out of a hundred. That would be SO helpful. But when I think about it, at least they're sure they have 10 and they're positive about such things. Gets? They're not like me, sulking and pressuring my a55 off for every time I
try to finish an exam. LOL I had wanted to sleep during the exam this morning but I couldn't find the right pwesto because my prof was right behind me. Hahaha! Daya ng ibang tao..they were sleeping until it was already 11!! Inggit ako.. :( Hahaha!
Hey, it's my mum's birthday..
Happy Birthday, Mami!I texted her this afternoon. She replied naman.. 'Ty. Who is this?' LOL Cool. She doesn't know my number. It's either there's something wrong with her sim card or fone or she deliberately erased my, her daughter's, number. Pabor sa lola mo! Hindi mattext pag wala pa sa haus. LOL On the other hand, shempre sad, nanay ko di alam number ko, di ba? Oh well.. :)
My life has been super crazy lately. I think I know the prob na. Thing is, there is martial law in this house. I don't practice my democratic rights. I don't speak and I choose not to because it seems as if every word that comes out of my mouth is a lie. Either passed on to me or made by me. That's how they see it, at least. Trust me, I know. I know them more than anyone else does. And it's really sad that there's no democracy around here because I can't speak my mind. I can't tell them how I'm so pressured about not getting at least a 70 this shifting. I can't tell them that I'm having a really hard time in Med school. But I figured that even if I do tell them, they'd say that they see me play Ragnarok
a lot so it would be my fault if I don't get passing grades. I don't play Ragnarok all the time. I play only after I've finished studying for my exams. When I'm so done with studying that my head hurts so bad. They think that the only thing I do is play because that's the only time they see me here in my room. That's the only time that they peek in to check on me - late at night. And so my tendency is to turn to another human being that is close to me whom I can feel affection from and get attention from. And then when I don't get it, I'd feel so alone and I feel like I'm dying. Sometimes my chest hurts so bad that I feel like I'm already having a mild heart attack. LOL No it isn't funny. I don't want to die yet. But what's my 'wants' against His will?
PS. Classes are suspended tomorrow, September 28, 2006. It's signal no. 3 over NCR. But tomorrow's my Ai Nene's hotel opening. It isn't hers, it's her in-laws' but she's helping them because she has her own hotel in Baguio. The new hotel's in Tagaytay and my family's going. My mum was asking that if my bro and I were coming with them if classes are really suspended tomorrow (kulit nia noh?). I said, 'Yes. Sama-sama tayo mastranded.' And I meant it. I dunno. I'd rather be stranded with my family in such a bad weather than be left alone in this house feeling mighty fine. I need human contact so bad that I feel like I'd go mad anytime soon.
Tiiin* was starless at
6:13 PM
0 star(s)
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Spot the Difference
Something feels different..really different..it's not a good feeling..something tells me that something isn't right.. :( So what's wrong? :(
Good luck.. I hope sem break simply spells 'sem break' alone.. and not mean anything else..
Tiiin* was starless at
11:44 PM
0 star(s)
Monday, September 25, 2006
Pano Kung = How If
Currently listening to: sa pagcompute ng utak ko ng posibleng 2nd shifting grade ko sa Gross Anatomy na sana naman ay pumapalo sa 70+. At pinipilit niang magsuper power effect para nga maging 70+ nalang yun grade ko dahil kung 60 pa rin, ayaw na daw nia pilitin mag Med. LOL Fcuk! Kamusta naman yun, naguusap kame ng utak ko. Hahaha!
I don't know how other people do it. How they get flying marks in such a difficult subject. I know some people have copies of the shifting exams from last year and that works for them. I don't have a problem with that. Live and let live, right? Plus, 'mind your own biz'? LOL That's not the thing. How do they get really above average grades and yet they go out after classes a lot. Do you get it? Kung sino pa yung nagsstay home to plant kamote, sila pa yun average lang or bagsakin. On the other hand, yung mga lakwachero't lakwachera, sila pa yung above average. How?!
Whatever. This subject is purely memorization shit. I suck at memorization. Ulyanin nga ako e. Baka hindi talaga to para sa akin? Ewan ko. Pero basta, if I get another 60, I'm out of Med school for good. The good thing about it is, I'm still hoping to get something that's around 70+ for a 2nd shifting grade. Will I make it? Didn't I study hard enough for that exam? OMG.. T__T Perhaps I don't belong here..
I need a hug.. :(
Tiiin* was starless at
6:18 PM
0 star(s)
Friday, September 22, 2006
I Live for that Single Moment
Currently listening to: Matchbook Romance - My Eyes Burn
My eyes burn from these tears
You'd think I'd learn over these years
Good things won't last forever
So what the hell am I suppose to do
You only wanted the things I couldn't give to you
And you had it all anyway
So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
Tell me I'm wrong when I say
I can't expect you to spend forever with me
I live for that single moment
I take back everything I've said
You wore those words on your lips
As if they meant anything anyway
Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this
Tiiin* was starless at
10:48 PM
0 star(s)
The Replacement
It was never meant to replace anything. Just as I never meant to replace anybody.
Tiiin* was starless at
12:39 AM
0 star(s)
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Di Mo Lang Alam
Currently listening to: my heart cry
Sa tingin ko, mas maraming mga magulang na walang pakialam sa narramdaman ng mga anak. Siguro dahil tingin nila, mas alam nila kung ano ang dapat para sa mga anak nila. Or siguro tingin nila, yung narramdaman lang nila yung mahalaga talaga.
Ito nalang pala yung part ng conversation namin ni Dee.. More or less, ito yung gusto ko sabihin..
Tin: gusto ko lang to be anywhere but here
Tin: since tingin ko never naman nila ako iintindihin para maintindihan
Tin: tingin ko
Tin: tingin nila lagi silang tama
Tin: hindi pedeng masabe na mali
Tin: nagtry naman na ako e
Tin: na makipagusap di ba
Tin: tas ssinungalingan pa ako
Tin: tas nagstick lang naman ako kung san ako mas naniniwala
Tin: shempre sa nanay ni kat
Tin: e si papa sinungaling naman un e
Tin: may history ng ganun
Tin: and kung iisipin ko na un nanay ni kat ang nagllie
Tin: bat naman nia ggawin un
Tin: anu naman un para sa kanya?
Tin: di naman importante sa kin kung mga kaklase ko lang
Tin: un nagiisip na salbahe ako kaya ganun mga magulang ko
Tin: wag lang mga nanay
Tin: iba na un pag mga nanay
Tin: isip ko
Tin: gusto ko mag work nalang
Tin: wag na ako mag school nxt sem
Tin: parang nahihiya na ako pumasok hehe
Tin: parang kadiri
Tin: ang kadiri ko
Tin: tas isa pa
Tin: baka sakali kung nagwwork nalang ako
Tin: baka un mga magulang ng mga kawork ko
Tin: hindi nila hhingian ng number
Tin: hehe
Tin: tas siguro hindi na nila ako ttreat na parang bata
Tin: lam mo mas nakakapagliwaliw pa nga mga mas bata sa akin
Tin: kesa sa akin
Tin: kahit hanggang gabi pa
Tin: kase most of them naman
Tin: either wala pake magulang nila
Tin: or wala silang pake sa magulang nila
Tin: isip ko hindi pa naman ako gumawa ng crime
Tin: para pag higpitan ako ng ganto
Tin: kapatid ko nga
Tin: ninakawan na si mama before
Tin: pero tignan mo sha
Tin: kung anu gusto nia nakkuha nia
Tin: indi pa nila sha kaya icontrol
Tin: kase lumalaban sha
Tin: indi ko na nga hiniling na maging patas sila sa amin 2
Tin: pag dating sa mga gusto gusto
Tin: paminsan tlga wala na rin ako naiipon
Tin: kasi mga paxerox chaka mga class fund
Tin: di ko na hinihingi
Tin: kase kahiya ako naman nakikinabang
Tin: tas pag humingi ako
Tin: sabihin pa
Tin: nasan napunta pera ko
Tin: baka pinangddate ko lang
Tin: e kapatid ko nakakahingi pa nga ng pangdate
Tin: and bat ko naman ipangddate e ako naman un babae
Tin: alam mo siguro
Tin: kung hindi ako takot sa magulang
Tin: hindi na rin ako umuuwi pag gabi
Tin: uuwi nalng ako kng kelan ko gusto
Tin: aalis ako kng kelan ko gusto
Tin: pero lam mo
Tin: kahit ilan times ko sabihin
Tin: na gusto ko na alis dito
Tin: indi ko naman kaya
Tin: indi dahil feeling ko di ako makakasurvive
Tin: feeling ko baka masad si mama
Tin: magkasakit
Tin: dahil sa kin
Tin: baka lang hehe
Tin: ayaw ko naman un mangyare
Inedit ko nalang at tinanggal yun mga sinabe ni Dee.. Alam mo na, baka may spy LOL Basta yun na yun.
Habang nagddinner, biglang nagsalita si mama. Eto ang sinabe nia na super out of nowhere.. 'Yung nanay ni Kat, di ko alam niyayabangan na pala ako. Sinasabe ba naman na binilhan daw nia si Kat ng condo tas binilhan pa ng notebook kase mabigat daw yun laptop. Ako naman si tanga kinig ng kinig. Ganun talaga mga inggitera eh, pag naiinggit sa yo, sisiraan ka.'
LOL. Kaboom e. Ang layo naman. Kung yung nanay ni Kat ang nagyayabang, panu sha naging inggitera? Indi ba sha yung malakas manginggit at iniinggit nia yung nanay ko so dapat kung may magiging inggitera, nanay ko dapat yun. Tama ba ako? Tas anu konek ng paninira dun? Bat ka naman sisiraan nun eh iniinggit ka nga? Nalito na rin ako.
Sobrang halata na kayo. Sa sobrang gusto nio lumabas na wala kayong mali, pinipilit nio pa ipasa sa iba. Oo bagong friend ko lang si Kat and nanay nia and hindi ko pa sila gaano kakilala. Pero kung maninira nga sila, anu naman mahihita nila dun? What's in it for them?? WALA. You give yourselves away.. 1 - bat bigla ka magssalita tungkol dun, wala naman nagttanong 2 - bat ka bigla magssalita ng something against Kat's mum samantalang vibes na vibes kayo since enrolment palang 3 - bat kelangan magbulungan pag dating ni papa kala nio di ko kayo kita ha ha belat. Di ako maniniwala sa mga bagay na yan because I know what you are capable of doing and you've seen too many soap operas. You get it?
Speaking of pag-uwi ni papa, sabe nia parang muntik na daw sha mahimatay sa CR sa office nila. Parang di daw maganda pakiramdam nia. Baka karma? Kase bat biglaan eh hindi naman sha nagaganun. Haiz. Bat kase ang tao pinipilit lagi ang gusto. Parang ako. :P
Anyway, mga bago kong friends ang wweird. Parang di ko alam kung panu ba papakisamahan. Puro sarili lang nila iniisip nila. Puro sila dapat papakinggan pag may probs sila. Ayaw ko na lang rin magsabe sa kanila. Akin nalang tong mga dala ko. May kashare naman ako e.. :) Thanks Dee sobra.. sa pakikinig.. :) mmmwahx!! :D
Tiiin* was starless at
7:20 PM
0 star(s)
Monday, September 18, 2006
It's Been Said and Done
Currently listening to: The Corrs - Runaway
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:School Productivity: 1 2 3
4 5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3 4
5Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4
5Fun: 1 2 3
4 5
I think I kinda sucked during the case con this morning. I wasn't expecting that I'd be discussing most of the renal part for one of the cases - by myself - and I go dumbfounded when I dunno what Munnariz was talking about. LOL Anyway, at least I knew something about the case. I admit, I wasn't well-prepared for it because I was out last Saturday and then the Cheng clan had an early Mooncake festival celebration last Sunday to adjust to Ai Z's and Itiu Peter's sched. They're flying home on the 20th, I think. Going back, Munnariz told me that I should be exerting more effort with regards to our case discussions. Okei. I shall do my best. :)
Last Saturday, my parents had attended this assembly at school about the 'Count-Me-In Program'. They were seated next to Kat's mum and Mark's mum. According to Kat, her mum had told her that my dad whispered to my mum to ask for the other mums' numbers. Today at school, my classmates were talking about it and my mum told their mums daw na I come home really late sometimes because I was doing something for school. Anu konek ng asking for their numbers? To check with their mums kung talaga bang may ginagawa for school kung sakaling gabi ako umuwi. What are the implications of that action? 1 - their mums now think that I am evil, 2 - it just goes to show that my parents don't trust me and 3 - my new friends now think that I AM evil. LOL Isn't life great? :P I knew about that last Saturday night pa. Kat had told me as soon as she heard of it.
Before I left for school this morning, I was asking my mum kung anu bang maiiba kung nagttrabaho nalang ako imbis na nag-aaral. She didn't get the question, because her answer was 'kahit anong job naman pwede sa yo e'. So I left for school downhearted. Wala talaga akong gana to go. I was waiting at the bus stop for like 15 minutes, madami naman bus but then lahat puno. I couldn't get myself to take the trike to the train station because I can't seem to find energy to move. Until finally, I got on an almost full bus at around 7:05am. The whole time, I was thinking nalang na maggalit si Dee pag hindi ako pumasok..
When I got home, I texted both my parents. 'Unga pala, sikat ako sa school kanina. Hiningi nio daw # ng mga ina ng classmates ko. Dating sa kanila salbahe siguro ako kaya ang higpit nio. Isip ko kung tuloy pa ako 2nd sem. Un lang. Ingat' I have no intentions of 'threatening' that I'd quit Med school or whatever and I don't think that they'd be threatened about it. I think my dad would be really happy if I quit because then, he wouldn't have to work his a55 off because I'd be the one doing that for him. As for my mum, she loves her job, she doesn't need money and she doesn't really care if I work or study but I think I might disappoint her if I quit. Or baka mapahiya sha sa circle of friends nia at work dahil pinagmamalaki nia na nagmmed ako tas biglang nagquit lang pala. I'm just trying to look beyond, look at my options, look at what might or could change if I switch to 'working' girl.
My dad, of course hindi papatalo ever, replied. 'Nataon lang siguro na magkatabi mum ni kat and mum mo, pareho nagtanungan ng cell number. Di ba sabe ng CM secretary pwede naman ask sa kanila if sanctioned ng college or not yun ipagpapaalam ng student? What's the need of other parents number, db? Hirap ako pgayusin kau ng mama mu. Y dont u have a heart to heart talk? Suggestion lang.' Liar. Nuff said.
Shempre ako naman bilang anak ng tatay ko, hindi rin papatalo ever. 'Un nga eh. What's the point of asking for their numbers. Ikaw daw nagbulong kay mama na kuhain numbers nila eh. Kwento kwento lang naman.' And of course, I was expecting something dramatic from him so he can save his a55 from eternal damnation.
'Kung mas naniniwala ka sa classmates mo, wala na ako magagawa dun' Kaboom! Hahaha! Ang taruj ng lolo mo. Sabe ko nalang, 'Hindi sa classmates ko, sa nanay ni Kat. Anyway, hindi naman ako after sa kung sinong tama or what. Ung consequences lang. And besides, it's been said n done. Nangyare na, wala na magagawa about it. And nagssabe lang naman ako.' End of conversation. Muhahaha! Panalo ang lola mo. Nasa akin ang huling salita at halakhak. Erm.. huling text pala. Wenk :P
After I texted the first time pala, I texted my dad again to ask if he was going to make his herbal tea. Parang I was offering na rin to do it for him kase it was already 7:30pm and they weren't home yet. Sobrang gagabihin kung later pa sha gagawa. So he replied na yes daw pero papagawa sana sha sa akin at salamat daw. LOL Makurot sana yung puso nia at maantig na naalala ko pa sha kahit liar a55 sha at gusto pa niang ipahiwatig na mas matimbang ang mga kaibigan ko kesa sa kanya/kanila. Kaboom. :P And haller?! 1 - I know my dad? My mum tells me shit about him when she has no one else to turn to. 2 - Anu naman mapapala ng nanay ni Kat kung magimbento sha ng kwento? Para pag-awayin kaming mag-ama? LOL Har har. You watch too many soap operas.
Bibilisan ko magreview ng slides bukas para makauwi agad at makapag-aral para sa Anatomy. I have a long quiz and a practical exam on Thursday for that subject. One of 2 danger subjects. LOL Bumabawi na ako sa isang subject e. Itong Ana, it's more on memorization so I'm having a tough time. If I don't understand it, I need to work hard on it to stick it up my brain. LOL
I hope Dee's tummy is better now.. I whispered a prayer for him while I was on the trike.. I hope God hears my plea.. :) See ya..
Tiiin* was starless at
9:03 PM
0 star(s)
Sunday, September 17, 2006
You Know I'm Such a Fool For You
Whenever I get to come up with something to make you happy, you do something to hurt me unintentionally and then I end up being sad about it and then I realize I'm being a fool and then I lose the drive to do whatever I had planned to do and then I try to get that drive back by believing that I do love you and then I realize that I AM a fool for you.
Tiiin* was starless at
2:42 PM
0 star(s)
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
'Who Makes Your Grades?'
i cant be strong all the time. i just needed somebody whom i can be weak with, to draw strength from. not somebody who will make me feel the way i make myself feel - weak.
i thought i needed you..
but then again, 'all the world's a stage..and the men and women merely play..'
Tiiin* was starless at
11:40 PM
0 star(s)
Great Expectations
Currently listening to: 6 Cycle Mind - Pa Ba
Kamusta naman?!
Kanina lang bago ako umuwi, iniisip ko'ng ilista ang aking mga grades nang maayos para naman makita ko kung saan ba ako bagsak at saan ako okei-okei. Hindi ko naman nagawa kase uwing-uwi na 'ko kase sabe ko kelangan ko mag-aral. Paguwi ng mami ko sa bahay, nakita ko sha na may binubuksang white envelope.
Taden!
'Shet grades ko yan!!'
LOL. So there. I was just laughing about it while she was looking at my grades. She said I shouldn't be happy. Do I look like I'm happy? I'm just laughing it off because I don't want to get too depressed and stressed about it so that I'd still have the will to study. Sakto naman ng timing. Kung kelan may exams ako this week sa subjects kung saan ako mababa. Naman naman.
I'm putting my grades here just so I'll have a record. Just so I can look back at it in the future and say, 'Dito ako nagsimula. Ito na 'ko ngayon.' Naks. Amor Powers ikaw ba yan?! LOL I'm so fucked up. Here goes.
Gross Anatomy - 59.96
Neuroanatomy - 78
Histology - 76
Biochemistry - 71
Physiology - 69.15
Family and Community Medicine I - 89.94
Medical Ethics I - 77.80
My dad thought I'd be repeating the subjects that I failed next semester. LOL They weren't oriented about it. I didn't orient them about it. Fortunately, there's this parent's assembly next Saturday so they can go there and learn whatever they have to learn there.
I'd like to believe that this is just the adjustment period for me. I now know where the doctors get most of our grades from and that should push me to excel in whatever that is. Haiz whatever. I'm sumkinda pissed. Sa sarili ko mostly. I wasn't able to prepare REALLY well for the 2 subjects I flunked. As for Biochem, a55 lang talaga yun matandang doctor dun. LOL Pahirap lang, although important naman yun biochem, in the future, when you diagnose a patient with e.g. phenylketonuria, do you really have to explain the biochemical background of that disease to your patient? What would he care about the enzymes that he doesn't have? Naturally, he'd be more interested about the management or the treatment of his disease, not about the complicated shit behind it. Biochem should be more practical in terms of the test questions. Shithead. I got the result to my first long test this shifting for Biochem and I farting got a low grade. Not the grade that I was expecting to get because I really studied for that. I farting memorized the biochemical pathways! Idiopathy! Grr. Hai.
Ang masasabe ko nalang sa sarili ko ay:
More, Tin. More!!
Ike! Ike! LOL A55.
I gotta start studying. Hai. Rarness.
Tiiin* was starless at
6:48 PM
0 star(s)
Sunday, September 03, 2006
This is How It's Gonna Go
Currently listening to: Hush - LL Cool J (Hush baby, wanna let ya know this is how its gonna go)
Perhaps I'm being too unfair to other people with regards to my 'time management'. Weekdays is for schooling. A few minutes of it, of course, still go to spending time with family, friends, Dee, relatives, online games, etc.
I don't want to fast forward some parts of my life like Michael did on 'Click'. As much as I want to, so I or anyone else who is a part of my life wouldn't have to feel any form of suffering, I won't.
True, I skipped going to the cemetery to visit my Amah the last time. You know I have a case discussion that I have to present every Monday. And it stinks for me as much as it does for anyone else who gets affected by it. True, that I spend my Saturdays with Dee because that's the only time that we are both free. I spend Sundays working my a55 off for school that I barely get to join my family to activities such as going to the cemetery or doing groceries or whatever. Perhaps if they were a little loose about my relationships outside the farting clan, then Dee can be here on Saturdays and we don't have to go anywhere to spend his hard-earned money and my ipon. Haller?!
But my mom could like stop being so b*tchy to me when I don't know what I ever did to her. She doesn't have to widen her eyes when she's speaking to me. She doesn't have to have this farting tone when she's speaking to me. She was asking if I was coming and she told me that I didn't come last time and her eyes were like crazy. I hate it when she looks at me like that. And when I was asking her about the trip, I also asked her why she was mad at me. And she goes, 'Galit ba yan ha, galit?!' T-H-E, THE?! Hindi siguro, ma. Samantalang nun kinausap sha ng pinsan ko, ang sweet ng tono nia. 'TF?! Sasama ako pero wag mo nalang ako pansinin kesa irapan mo ko at pandilatan at ganyan tono mo. Kakahiya lang sa ibang makakarinig. Ako 'tong anak tas sa 'kin ka pa ganyan. Ewan sa 'yo.
I farting lost the URL to my favorite online dictionary. Darn it.
Hai. I'm going. I'm bringing my farting Physio book and my iPod with me so that anybody who wants to talk to me would have to get through the blaring headphones.
Tiiin* was starless at
9:17 AM
0 star(s)
Well I'd Give my Life for You
Currently listening to: Matchbook Romance - Stay Tonight
And we have this down,
Unlike everybody.
I'll spend a million nights
Just like tonight you know,
I screamed your name at the sky,
Until I lost my voice.
Well I'd give my life for you.
Oh no. Is this the beginning? Will she come take my life away from me? No matter how melodramatic things can get, I promise I'll never leave. Not until he tells me to.
Tiiin* was starless at
1:29 AM
0 star(s)
