Monday, January 31, 2005
Heaven.
Currently listening to: the deafening silence of this house..
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4
5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3 4
5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2 3 4
5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4
5
My friends think I'm awfully "matamlay" today. Parang nanghihina kasi ako. I'm not sure what's causing it.. I just know that I'm under a lot of stress right now - my school projects and reports due on blah, make-up tests, my amah, etc etc. Honestly, the only place where I feel so relaxed in is in the arms of my MF. If it were just possible to stay there and not have to leave.. that would be my
heaven.
Tiiin* was starless at
10:39 PM
0 star(s)
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Tapos na.
Currently listening to: Rivermaya - You'll be Safe Here (From the sheer weight of your doubts and fears, weary heart.. you'll be safe here) ***for my amah.. wherever you may be.. i love you..***
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4
5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3 4
5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2 3 4 5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4
5
Nagugulantang at nagugulumihanan ako sa mga nangyayari.
06.30am
Nagtatawag ang mami ko dahil nanghihina na daw si amah. BP: 90/50
08.00am
Umalis na for work ang ibang tao. BP: 80/50
11.30am
Tinawag ako ni tita M kasi nangingitim yun fingers ni amah. BP: 70/50
12.00pm
Mahirap na maramdaman ang pulse. Hindi na kaya ng pang-BP. Pinapanood nalang kung saan hihinto ang mercury para sa unang reading at nagbibilang ako ng pulse: 50, 47, 42..
02.00pm
Tinawag kami ni tita B. Aalis na daw talaga si amah. Kumakain ako..nasabe ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako tatayo hangga't di ko nauubos pagkain ko. Ewan ko kung bakit. Parang naisip ko..kung aalis sha, mapipigilan ko ba? At gusto ko rin galangin yun pagkain.. Minadali ko lang naman rin.. sumunod na papunta kela amah. Pag akyat ko dun, nicheck ko agad kung may pulse pa sa leeg. Hindi na daw kasi nila marinig yun heartbeat. May nararamdaman pa akong pulse. Parang.. - _ - - - _ _ _ Hindi ko na mabilang dahil paputol-putol na.. Napasigaw pa nga yata ako.. ang dami kasing tao.. Pinapatong na nila yun damit na susuotin ni amah pag umalis na sha.. napasigaw ako ng "TEKA LANG!" kasi may nararamdaman pa akong papitik-pitik na pulse.
02.10pm
Pero.. nawala. Pinilit kong may makapa.. Pero wala na talaga.. Hinahayaan nalang ako ni tita M na magpipipindot dun sa leeg ni amah. Hanggang sa sinabihan na niya ako "Tin.. let go.." Dun na ako napaluha.. Sabe ko kay amah "Amah, kumain lang naman ako eh.." Ewan ko ba kung bakit ko nasabi yun. Ibig ko bang sabihin, dapat hinintay niya ako? Bakit iniwan niya ako agad? Sandali lang naman ako nawala, akala ba niya iniwan ko na sha? ...
Naasar ako sa ibang tao dito. Tulad ni UK at SK. Iniisip ni UK na hindi sha makakapunta sa fair nila, na hindi matutuloy ang ganito ganyan.. Si SK din ganon. Birthday niya kasi sa Feb.4 , hindi na daw matutuloy yun celebration nya blah blah, hindi na daw sila makakapagpagupit, etc etc. Ako ba yun mali? Kasi..totoo nga na wala na si amah.. wala na mashadong dapat isipin tungkol sa kanya.. pero tama ba yun isipin nila yung mga katiting na bagay na mawawala sa kanila?
Kanina naaalala ko yun mga pagkakataon na nagalit sa kin si SK dahil nag sasacrifice ako para sa lola ko (eg. umaabsent sa school, nagpupuyat or hindi talaga natutulog, blah). Sa chinese kasi, parang masamang araw ngayon para sa mga goat na tumingin sa patay. Eh si SK lang ang goat. HAHAHA!! Parang sinadya.. Eh.. basta di ba magulo sila.. Kasi ayaw ni amah kay SK simula noon noon pa.. Eh.. wala lang.. Si amah naman hindi naman ako dinadamay sa mga away-away nila.. tapos sha, na supposedly "mature" according to himself, dinadamay ako! Eh. Gagawin ko kung anong gusto ko gawin basta para sa lola ko noh. >:P
Tiiin* was starless at
11:28 PM
1 star(s)
Friday, January 28, 2005
After 7 Days, I Rise Again
Currently listening to: You'll be Safe Here by Rivermaya
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4 5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3 4
5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2 3 4
5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4
5
It's exactly one week since I last blogged. And TADAH! I'm back with a vengeance! LOLx! How do you like the new layout?? It's been on my mind these past few weeks and today, I'm just SO inspired that I decided to start working on it. And to think, I'm still recovering from my erm..I don't know exactly what it is. But yesterday, I kept on vomiting and sh*tting and my tummy hurt so bad. Now, I'm feeling a lot better but I think I'm having muscle cramps in my abdomen.. It's difficult to puke.. I don't want it to happen again.. :(
My amah's back home..since Monday, actually. Her foot is not getting any better still. We're actually afraid that it might just get cut off or something..since it's already dead. Hay. People here are beginning to have regrets on why they decided to revive amah, put holes on her trachea and tummy..stuff like that. Regrets come in the end..but what's the use of regretting?
My aunts are home too. Honestly, when people come home, I feel like it's going to be the end of something.. Fortunately, nothing bad has happened.. Even so, people here are "ready" to what is bound to happen..
My MF's back! ^-^ LOLx! Sunday pa. Last Wednesday, he took me home to meet his ate Charo. I think she's nice. And now I understand why Gabby's dad is "iyaken" about her. LOLx! She's really pretty and super nice. ^-^
Sometimes, you'll learn who you're true friends are. Like during these times, when you're sick and when you're really down. Some people may just be after the chismax but some really care about how you're feeling and would try to advise you on what to do. And I'm just glad I have some true friends. It's actually amazing to know na kung sino pa yun hindi mo nakakausap araw-araw, yun pa pala ang totoo. ^-^
I missed 3 midterms. Gawd. I just hope I'd be allowed to take them. Or else..I might fail my 3 subjects. And that's just going to suck SO bad. I don't want to become an irregular student. Not now. Not ever. -_- Pero..I don't think that it would be fair not to allow me to take make-up tests just because I got sick. Parang lalabas pa nun, it's my fault. And sadya! -_-
I still have lots of projects on my list. Things don't seem to end. Yet here I am, not working on anything IMPORTANT. LOLx! I'll try to accomplish some today and over the weekend. But I'd be studying for my midterms more. Concentrate muna on things that are due soon.
I haven't taken a bath since yesterday. HAHAHA! I stink!! I'm hoping I'd be allowed to bathe later.. para naman gumaan gaan ang pakiramdam ko. Or..I WILL take a bath talaga. LOLx! My temp's back to normal naman na eh. ^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
5:38 PM
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Friday, January 21, 2005
Use and Abuse Me
Currently listening to: Finch - Letters to You (i want you to know that.. i miss you.. i miss you so..)
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3
4 5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3
4 5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2
3 4 5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4
5
First day of having my MF miles away from me. How it feels? Sad. Lonely. Nakaka-miss talaga. T_T
I wasn't late this morning! ^-^ Nothing exciting happened in school. I was SUPER hungry during lunch time that I had tocino and some beef eklaboo. Hwaha! I usually order only one dish. Babui! Haha!
Laboratory class was SUPER tedious. Hay. The bacteria cultures are so sh*tty that all you could get out of it was agar. How the hell can we see what we're supposed to see under the microscope if it's just that - AGAR?! And we're supposed to finish 3 experiments in less than 3 hours?? Sh*tness talaga yun babui na prof na yun. I told Meka that we should just do whatever we can. Basta lang may gawa. Bahala na kung may bacteria yun o wala. Hay naku.
Nadagdagan pa yun projects namin. It just keeps getting better and better in school. LOLx! It's unendinggg!! T_T
My DSL is still a prob. It's not getting disconnected anymore but it's too damn slow. The connection's supposed to be as fast as 768 kbps but 200+ kbps is the fastest speed it has gone so far. Plus I have to think about the f*cking router and how to rearrange our LAN. Hay. Is it just me - ako ba yun reklamador or ako lang lagi talaga ang kailangan gumawa?
Do I have a sign on my forehead that says "Use and abuse me"??
My amah's still in the hospital. Supposedly, 3 days lang dapat. Pero mag 1 week na yata. According to the doctor, the nerves on her right leg are dead, meaning wala ng blood na nagfflow through that and whatever. Hay. Ano pa bang magagawa namin? Nobody wants to have her leg amputated. I doubt if SHE would want her leg amputated.. I honestly don't know how to feel anymore. Malungkot? Magalit? Matuwa? Maasar? Mapikon? I don't know what to do anymore either. Sure I make my amah's food everyday, I look out for her when she has no nurse, I spend time with her when I can and when no one else can pero parang hindi pa yun sapat. She took care of me for many years - more than half of my life! She knows me more than my mom does. Parang ngang mas nanay ko pa sha. Tapos ganyan. Hindi ko man lang masuklian o maibalik ng buo yun binigay niya sa kin. Walang kwentang tao.
I was reading my bro's post on friendster's bulletin board. This is his answer to one of the survey questions:
40. One big regret in life?
hinde ko nasuklian ung pagaalaga sa akin ng Lola
ko..kulang eh..tapos ngayon..haay..shet!! how i
wish i could turn back the time..pero,,ganun din
nmn..i'll make sure na these remaining days..i'll be
by my Lola's side..^_^
Sana lang, hindi niya yan sinabe "just for show" dahil lang he knows that his crush might be able to read it. Sana totoo. Mas maganda kung totoo.
Tiiin* was starless at
11:15 PM
0 star(s)
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Kung Ikaw ay Malungkot, Umiyak Ka
Currently listening to:
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4
5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2
3 4 5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2
3 4 5
Mahal: 1 2
3 4 5
I thought I'd be late again this morning. I'm glad MF pushed me into going to school. At least hindi sha BI. ^-^
I got my DSL connection yesterday. It's weird though. It's rather slow for a DSL connection. I wonder what's wrong. Stupid naman yata yun mama na nag-install eh. When he was here and we were checking the bandwidth, 0 kbps ang lumabas and he says it's normal because the speed is out of range daw. Ngeh! Mr. Halili, the guy who helped me with the application says it's ABnormal.
Honestly, napipikon na nga ako sa DSL na to e.. Mas masahol pa yata sa Destiny cable. Hay. Plus, my cousin thought that Mr. Halili will provide everything, even the router. SOS! Anu ba yan?! Sabi daw kasi ni mama ganon. Eh ANO BAAA!! Kay mama pa sha nakinig eh wala naman alam yun pag dating sa computers. Tapos sha ngayon mag PPPFFFFT sa akin?? Sobra na. Ako na nga nag-ayos ng DSL e. Paputol ko na kaya to?? Mag-rerent nalang ako kesa ang dami kong eklaboong inaabot.
I don't like it when people are being nice to me just because they need something from me. I hate it. Oh well. I guess they'll never know who they are unless .. wewan meh. Whatever.
I don't want to be late for school anymore. Ayako na talaga. My life is in such disarray. I keep on saying na I'll fix it but I don't seem to be doing anything about it. Hay. Life. Too many sh*t in my head..and they won't get flushed.
I hate it that my profs suck. GRR. Can you imagine?? We were COMMANDED to stay after school to create a new culture media that we will be using tomorrow?? OK lang sha ha?! Pwede ba yon biglaan?! Ang late pa!! I hate it. And tomorrow, it's just going to be Meka and me doing experiments for Microbio. Good luck sa amin. And I hope we get to buy a culture medium tomorrow during the break.. please po God.. please..
Hay. Ano ba yan lagi na lang ako may hinihiling. T_T
I'm changing my layout for Feb. Hindi na umabot yun pang January eh. Sayang. Or baka mahabol ko pa. Bahala na. If I have time to waste, I'll change my layout for January and then change it again on the first day of Feb. I have a good idea na of how I want my Feb layout to look like. ^-^
My MF's leaving with his family tomorrow for Bataan. I'll miss him.. I feel stupid that I was close to tears when I saw him this afternoon. Para namang hindi babalik yun.. Sometimes, I'm just plain ol' mababaw.. I was in SUPER rush to get home para masulit ko man lang yun time. Ang hirap pala. There are feelings that you can't just hide. Sure you can bite back the tears and try to do something that could occupy your mind to forget but you can't hide it forever. Times like these, I hate myself for being too clingy. Am I being clingy? It's not that I don't want him to go. I doubt if his sister comes home that often. Sayang naman yun opportunity to get to spend time with his whole family if he's not going. I'm not being selfish, am I? I'm just going to miss him.. A LOT.
Sana pala inuwi ko nalang yun shirt niya. But that just might be TORTURE for me. Hindi kaya masochist ako??
I'm trying to set my mind. Keep him out of my system muna. MUNA. Three days. For those days, I will try to concentrate on school work. I'll study for my exams and try to finish some of my requirements. Basta..keep myself busy muna. That way, I won't miss him that much.. sana.
Kung meron lang mood na "IYAKEN", I would have changed that mood up there. Gawa kaya ako ng sarili kong moods?? Hm..
Tiiin* was starless at
10:06 PM
0 star(s)
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
What if Your Whole World were Just One Person?
Currently listening to: my mahal's voice..
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4
5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3 4
5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2
3 4 5
Mahal: 1 2 3
4 5
Gwabehlicious. I was SUPER late today. 7:45. Gawd. Don't blame it on my MF.. It's not his fault na late ako lagi..lately. I'm just stressed out right now.. :(
I'm scared about a hell LOT of things.
1 - My amah.
2 - My mum.
3 - My Analytical Chem group project.
4 - My Bioresearch project.
5 - My Technical Writing sh*t.
6 - More Technical Writing sh*t.
7 - My midterms..my grades, in general.
8 - My MF.
It's affecting almost everything about me - even those close to me. And if I don't get my head straight, I might lose everything..even my MF. SH*T. I don't want that to happen. T_T
My amah.. Her feet is not getting any better because apparently, the nerves in that area are dead. We have two choices: a) have her leg amputated or b) leave it alone so she won't go without her leg.. The decision is pretty easy to make. We'd rather she keep her leg. Ewan. Bahala na batman.
My mum.. I know she's trying really hard to accept all this. But it's so obvious that she really can't let go just yet. She just doesn't want my amah to suffer any longer. And I'm with her decision. I just hope I can stand by her..serve as her support.. I just hope I can support myself.. T_T
My group project. My friends say my groupmates suck. True that. It's a HELL LOT better to be in a groupwork with the PUBES. At least you'll just have to tell them what they have to do and they'll do it. Eh dito, I ask them to look for a place that we can go to to do our interview and what do they do? Stare back at me. Great.
I want to change my topic because if we're going to have to defend that, I think I might just SUCK. I just don't think that it would work.. Pffft blahhh! LOLx! I doubt it if my prof would still allow me to change my topic. Hay. But I really want to see if it's going to work.. Plus, I think it's too simple.. I want to try something different.. Wewan meh. Ang laki ng problema ko noh??
My Technical Writing prof is such a pain in the a55. Ang gulo niya talagaaa!! Wala nang mas gugulo paaa!! Paano ba talaga naging prof yun ayuf na yun?? Badtrip talaga. Sha na ang pinakabulok na prof na nakilala ko. T_T
My grades. No prof has returned any quiz results yet so I don't have any idea how I'm doing. Although, sa Asian Civ, I flunked one quiz, and missed another. LOLx! Great. Hay.. Nakakatakot pag ganyan. Half the sem's almost over and you have no idea where you stand. T_T
My MF. I'm honestly having difficulties trying to please him and stuff. Or maybe I'm just feeling this because I've been thinking too much. Sometimes, or a lot of times, I know all my frustrations are being vent out on him accidentally. I really do not mean it. Gawd. He is the only person who can make me feel like I'm "home"..like I have nothing to worry about..like I'm so relaxed.. I really don't want to do MORE stupid things that might force him to leave me..
Iyaken na naman ako.. Kainis.. T_T
Tiiin* was starless at
12:43 AM
0 star(s)
Monday, January 17, 2005
O tapos?
Tugtog na pinauulit-ulit sa utak: Audioslave - Cochise (and i got just one thing that i can offer.. go and save yourself.. take it out on me..)
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3
4 5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3
4 5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2 3
4 5
Mahal: 1 2 3
4 5
Truthfully, I am DEAD tired. And yet, I walked home from Dejor. Hwaha.. Kag***han amp.
I only had about 5 hours of sleep. I couldn't sleep because of the hacking incidents. I kept thinking about who was behind it. And I was thinking if it were right to hack the person right back. When I think about hacking again..it gives me the creeps. I'm afraid of the consequences that I might face after that. But those friggin' hackers are just forcing me to take revenge. I don't really want to wait for "strike 3" but then the computers there are not mine so I cannot have access to them whenever I wish. Plus, MF says I don't have to do it. Whatever goes nalang. If they need me, ok go pero if not, ok stay. LOLx!
Hacking tools are a lot different now than before. Hwaha! When is "before"? About 5 years ago or so. LOLx! To try to see if I can still do it, I tried hacking my own system last night. Hwaha! Ang galing! I was amazed by how that tool worked. It records almost everything, time-stamped pa! Wala lang.. nakwento ko lang..
And Mondays are really just plain tiring because of our sched - curacha, for short. Morning palang, that prof is like the queen of the damned. Lagi nalang naninira ng umaga, ng araw, ng linggo! She asked us to submit our lab manuals the moment she entered the room. She was 30 minutes late, at sha pa ang may ganang mag-gagaganon! Hay nako. Tuloy, I got 6 for both lab reports. Does that suck or what?! Next time, I better get a perfect score. Grr. Natatamad na ako magkwento.. LOLx.. Hay.. For lecture, I gathered my groupmates and divided the work among ourselves (FINALLY!), hirap talaga pag kilala mo kung anong klase mga groupmates mo. Good luck na lang... sa AKIN. :-j I tried lending my notebooks again. I hope they'd be returned on time..and exactly the same when I lent it. Ayako na kasi mangyari yun dati..hindi ako nakapag-aral for my final exam because my classmate did not return my notes on time. She didn't even return it on the day itself. In fact, she NEVER returned it. LOLx! Ang saya-saya noh?!
Midterms are starting next week. Gawd. Half the semester's almost over already and I can't seem to be doing anything about it. LOLx! I realized..that this sem, I don't seem to have any goal. I was really disappointed with my previous average - 2.1. Boastful as it may sound, but I worked really hard last semester and I was hoping that if I wouldn't achieve my 1.5 goal, I would at least get 1.75 or something just above 2.0. Grabe. That sem, I had less than 5 absences (counting all the subjects)..when I usually have 5 absences PER subject. During those "PER subject absences", I didn't have a goal..I only wanted to make it to the 2.5 mark.. Now? Hwaha.. Ewan meh. My professors SUCK..the only good prof I have is Ma'am Vitug.. Some of my subjects are difficult and the other factor that can help make these subjects interesting, besides me (the student), is the PROFESSOR. So, good luck. I better make up some goal quick..before I give in to my insanity.
I was buying time for myself..that's the main reason why I decided to walk home from Dejor. Sometimes I'm just so f***ed up that even I can't understand myself. That I cannot say exactly how I'm feeling. That sometimes I just want to shut all the bad feelings out of my system so I won't have to think about it. I won't have to understand it. I won't have to understand myself..probably (erm..more like..SURELY) the MOST complicated living creature on this planet. I wonder.. am I really among the Homo sapiens??
Tiiin* was starless at
8:02 PM
0 star(s)
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Hindi porket Koreano ka, magaling ka mag-taekwando
Kantang umuulit-ulit sa utak ko: Parokya ni Edgar - The Yes Yes Show
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4
5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3 4
5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4
5
Fun: 1 2 3 4 5
Mahal: 1 2 3
4 5
I woke up at 7:30am because I was supposed to bring my amah's food to the hospital. However, Ai Cita says she's bringing it instead so I went back to sleep.. and I ended up waking up at 11. Hwaha! Batugan!
We had nothing to eat for lunch so I thought that we should just buy food. Since my bro was at the comp shop, I went there para two birds in one stone - dinaanan ko sha tapos nakita ko pa mahal ko. :)
Pagbalik namin nagalit pa nga si mami. Kasi ayaw nya maniwala na bumili kami ng ulam. Mahirap talaga pag nasisira ang tiwala ng isang tao. Mahirap maibalik. Kasalanan yun ni SK. Sha naman nagturo sa amin magsinungaling. Pero mali din kami..bat kami sumunod?
Nung umaga nakausap ko nga si K. Tanong niya kung pwede ba raw ako "hiramin" sa mahal ko. Nung isang araw si B.. Totoo lang.. sawa na ako sa mga ganyan.. Lagi nalang nila ako pinagtritripan ginag***..sinusubukan. Bat ba hindi sila magsawa? Minsan ayoko nalang umimik..para kunyari wala lang.. pero totoo badtrip yung ganon. Sino ba naman kasing matutuwa? Pati mahal ko nagagalit na.. Nakakatakot talaga sha pag ganon.. tapos nagmumura.. yipes.. Pero ok na.. Sana lang, wag nang mangyari ulit.
Ginawa ko yun Chapter 1 ng thesis ko the rest of the day until mga 10pm. Ok naman. Buti nalang mabait mahal ko at tinutulungan ako magresearch.. Ang bagal kasi ng net ko ngayon..ewan ko ba kung sino ang nagddownload na naman. Mejo hindi nga ako kampante sa napili kong topic..tingin ko..mahihirapan akong i-defend yun kung kailangan pang i-defend. Sana wag na.. Or sana..ma-establish ko yun gusto kong i-point out dito sa thesis na ito.
Ang dami ko pa palang kailangan gawin.. mga lab reports pa.. Buti nalang may Sunday pa.. At buti nalang..nagsipag ako ngayon ^-^
May narinig ako sa kapatid ko na hindi matanggal tanggal sa utak ko. May kaibigan kasi sha eh nakipagbreak.. 3 months lang sila tumagal. Sabi ni Ik, sandali lang kasi niya niligawan yun gurl mga tatlong araw lang yata..basta wala pang isang linggo..tapos sila na agad. Ito yun tumatak sa isip ko na sinabe niya sa kaibigan niya, "Kung gaano mo kabilis nakuha ang isang bagay, ganon din kabilis mawawala." Ayokong maniwala. Depende rin naman kasi yun sa may hawak nung bagay. Pero kahit na.. parang natatakot ako na ewan.. wala naman akong dapat katakutan..?
Hindi talaga sa lahat ng pagkakataon masaya ka. Hindi pwede. Yun yata yung "balance" na sinasabi nila. Yung unang kaibigan ko pag pasok ko ng college, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan. Sabe niya ayaw daw niya maging mashadong masaya kasi ang kapalit non, kalungkutan. Iba tingin ko dun.. Dapat maging masaya ka ng todo-todo pag binigyan ka ng pagkakataon dahil minsan lang yon. Wag mo nang i-anticipate yun kalungkutan. Dadating at dadating yun..hintayin mo man o hindi.
Hindi ako galit.. hindi ako asar.. Masama lang loob.. More on sa sarili ko.
Minsan..hindi ko lang siguro talaga matancha yun mood niya.. Minsan.. parang pag nagbibiro sha..parang hindi biro yun dating sa akin.. Ewan ko ba.. Masasanay rin ako.. Kaya ko yun..
Ang pinakamasakit talaga yun pag ayaw kang paniwalaan ng tao dahil sa pagkakataon or siguro hindi lang talaga ako dapat paniwalaan.. At ang pinakanakakasama ng loob sa lahat lahat..yun pag binagsakan ka.. Dati ginagawa ko yun..dahil alam kong tatawagan naman ako uli.. Siguro nakakarma lang ako.. Binabalik lang sa akin yun dating ginagawa ko.. Tinuturuan ako na mali yon.. Alam ko namang mali.. Ginagawa ko lang naman yun para wala na akong masabing mas mali..
Nasanay (sinanay pala) lang talaga ako na kada may maling nagagawa, tapos nag-sorry, tapos na. Dapat tapos na. Dapat ok na. Dapat kalimutan na. Dapat napatawad na. Dapat wag nang ungkatin pa. Tama magagalit ako o maaasar sa umpisa..pero saglit lang yon..mapapalitan lang din agad ng sama ng loob.. Sorry lang. Tapos, tapos na yun.
Sabi ko lang yun. Kunyari wala lang. Kasi ayako mag-mukang mahina. Ayako yung feeling na mahina. Ma-pride ba ako? Hm..ewan.. Yung paniniwalang malakas ako..yun na lang yata ang nakakapagtulak sa akin para mag-exist.
At pag nabasa na naman to.. for sure, mababasa ito.. for sure.. lagot na naman ako.
Totoo lang..parang may limitations na nga ang pagsulat ko sa blog na to eh.. Kahit pano ko pilitin maging verbal..lahat ng gusto kong sabihin, nasstuck sa utak ko at akala ng utak ko, nilalabas ng bibig ko yung iniisip ko.. Hanggang dito lang ba talaga ako?
Tiiin* was starless at
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Pag Nagkasabay-sabay..PATAY NA!
Tugtog na paulit-ulit sa aking utak: Parokya ni Edgar - Your Song
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3
4 5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3
4 5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3
4 5
Fun: 1 2 3 4
5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4
5
Natuwa ako kaninang umaga.. Mejo nahulaan ko na na baka ihatid ako ni mahal sa school..pero surprise niya yun dapat. :P Tinanong niya kasi ako the night before kung anong oras ako aalis ng bahay. Eh hindi naman sha usually nagtatanong ng ganon. Hindi natuloy yun plano niya kasi yun boss niyang show girl andami inutos sa kanya. 6 na sha natapos sa lahat ng pinapagawa sa kanya kaya hindi na niya ako pinuntahan or else baka magkasalisi kami. Kawawa naman sha, mabubulok sha kakaintay? :P Hm..kahit hindi natuloy, kinikilig pa rin ako. HAHAHA!! Ang korni ko. -_- Mahilig lang kasi talaga ako sa surprises.. Naaaliw ako pag nasusurprise ako.. Shempre yung magandang surprise ha!! Hindi bad news eklat..
Fourteen ngayon..ay..a couple of hours ago pa pala yun. Hwaha! (Dadayain ko nalang yun date para umabot pa para sa January 14! :p) Alam nyo ba yon ha?? ^-^ Umaga pa lang, pinagtatawanan na ako ng mga nakasalubong ko paakyat ng classroom. Tili kasi ako ng tili.. HAHAHA!! Pasensya na.. babae lang po. :P Achaka..minsan na nga lang ako kiligin..pagbigyan niyo nalang ako. LOLx! Natutuwa kasi ako kasi first month na namin! ^-^ Ang saya-saya noh?! :P Hindi naman kami nag-date na makemeng date talaga. Nagkita lang kami, kwentuhan, kain, tawanan, soundtrip, computer, nood ng videos..tapos ngayong gabi, nagkita na naman kami para magstroll (na namimiss ko nang gawin) at kumain ng balut! (YUMMY! ^-^) Kakauwi ko nga lang eh.. Nakakamiss sha.. Hay.. :-<
Totoo lang, kaninang umaga nadedemonyo ako na wag nang pumasok kasi nakita ko sha nakatayo sa may pinto ng shop pag daan nung tricycle. Eh naisip ko, bad yun.. As much as possible, ayaw ko na mag-sacrifice ng school time para lang mag-spend ng time for my special someone just so the relationship would work tulad dati.. Hindi naman matutuwa yun kung ginawa ko yun..kahit napaka-linient na niya sa akin..at ayaw kong abusuhin. Anyway, pumasok ako at good decision dahil nagpa-quiz yun dalawang subject. Eh dapat 1pm may class pa ako..laboratory..kaso mga groupmates ko nagsiuwian..wala na akong kagroup..tas sisi pa nila ako kasi ako daw promotor.. :( Eh ako nga yun last na nagdecide na uuwi na lang ako kasi umuwi na sila..
Kinakabahan nga ako kanina eh.. Hwahaha! Hindi tuloy ako nakakain ng maayos nung umaga.. Inoperahan kasi si amah kaninang 10am. Eh..natatakot kasi ako talaga kung baka ano na mangyari.. Eh yun, tumambay muna ako sa shop tapos text text hintay hintay balita.. At least dun isang sakay lang, na sa ospital na ako.. kesa naman manggaling pa akong PLM.. Pinuntahan ko nga sha kanina.. kasama ko si mami.. Nakita ko paa niya..parang yaki kasi black and blue and purple yun kulay..parang dead na ewan yun foot nya.. ayun.. Nakaka-ewan tignan.. parang gusto kong.. wala lang. LOLx! Sana lang um-ok na sha.. 3 days pa sha kailangan mag-stay dun.. Sana walang complications..
Ngayon lang ako nakapasok sa St. Martin de Porres na hospital. Mukhang ok naman yun. Mukhang malinis..maayos.. Siguro after ko magserve ng 2 years sa kung saan ko man kelangan mag serve.. Dun nalang ako magwwork.. At least, malapit lang tapos magagawa ko talaga yun purpose na makapagsilbi sa nangangailangan bilang doktor. Naks. LOLx! Wala lang.. Just a thought..
HAPPY!! I love you oh so much!!^-^
Tiiin* was starless at
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Thursday, January 13, 2005
As Honest as being Naked
Currently listening to: my heartbeat.. my pulse.. my breath..
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4
5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2 3
4 5
Devilish Acts: 1
2 3 4 5
Fun: 1 2
3 4 5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4
5
Ang busog ko! Haha! Kung hindi pa ako ibBUZZ! ng tummy ko, hindi pa ko kakain ng maayos.. Hay.. Pag ganito talaga na stressed ako, halos lahat wala sa ayos..
Dinala si amah sa hospital kanina. Dun sha sa St. Martin de Porres..lapit lang. Kilala kasi si SK dun..sa kakadonate niya (na sana galing talaga sa puso niya at hindi pakitang-tao lang)..kaya mejo alam na nila kung anong klaseng mga doktor ang nandun. At di hamak hindi pareho sa mga doktor na nagdoktor para yumaman (at sana kunin na yung mga nagpapayamang doktor..ng sino mang dapat kumuha sa kanila). Icoconfine dapat si amah kaso lang yun mga private rooms na kaka-available lang, may mga infection yun mga taong nag-occupy sa mga yun kaya nirecommend nung doctor na wag muna. Pagkaalam ko, nung dati sa Cardinal Santos pa kami, ginagamitan pa nila ng ultra violet rays para mamatay yun mga bacteria at kung anu-ano pang virus tapos hindi pinapagamit yun kwarto for 1 whole day yata.. Bukas ng umaga ibabalik sha sa St. Martin para operahan yun paa niya. May tubig daw kasi tapos yun dermis niya parang nabubulok na dahil dun..pag hindi tinanggal, magkakaroon ng bacteria tapos kakalat daw sa katawan niya. Muntik na naman nga kami mag-away ni mama.. Paano ba naman kasi..hindi na naman niya inalam kung ano yun tawag sa "sakit" na yun. Sa totoo lang, takot na ako ipagalaw yun lola ko sa mga doktor dahil nung huling ginalaw sha, ayan, na-comatose. Yung device pala na ginamit sa kanya, may risk na mag-slip ang patient into a coma lalo na kung 70 years old and above na. Sana nabasa ko yun beforehand. Sana nalaman ko na gagamitan sha ng instrument na yun beforehand. KUNG NABASA KO YUN AT NALAMAN KO YUN BEFOREHAND, EH DI SANA HINDI SHA GANYAN NGAYON. SANA pag inoperahan sha, SANA walang complications at walang risks. Sana.. Kung.. Sana.. Kung.. Ganon lang yata talaga.
Ayaw na ni mama na dalhin sha sa Cardinal Santos kasi pinapatay kami sa expenses nun. Kung sa labas mabibili mo at Php7.00 yun gamit na kailangan mo, pag sila ang nagprovide, times 3 yun. Lalabas, Php21.00 ang isisingil sa iyo. Yung binabawas nga nila sa PhilHealth, sobrang mali daw sabe ni mami. Sobra sobra yata or something.. Hindi ko kasi alam kung pano nagwwork ang PhilHealth.. Kung sa Cardinal nga dinala si amah today, instead of Php270 lang ang babayaran, siguro Php27,000 na yun inabot. Basta lang pagkakaintindi ko at alam ko, SWAPANG ANG CARDINAL SANTOS. MAMATAY NA KUNG SINO MAN ANG DAPAT MAMATAY SA KANILA.
Naurong yung deadline ng proposal for Technical Writing to a later date. Hm..parang wala lang sa akin. Hindi naman ako natuwa.. Hindi rin nalungkot.. Wala lang. Pero yun chapter 1 ko sa Bioresearch, ganun pa rin ang deadline.. Kaya ko naman gawin yun sa weekend.. At hindi ko na kailangan maghintay ng mood..hindi na pwede. I need to fix my life.. Sh*tness na ako..
Naaaning na yata ako. Anong iniisip ko? Lahat ng nandito sa blog.. kulang pa nga eh.. Kung pwede lang magpasok ng tao sa utak mo para lang malaman nila kung ano iniisip mo, matagal ko nang ginawa. At siguro kung pwede yun, maliligaw yung tao sa loob ng utak ko sa dami nang iniisip ko. HAHAHAH!! Hay.. Ang galing ni God noh? Sa buong buhay ko..ngayon ko lang nakuha ang isang MALAKING bagay na gusto ko talaga..ngayon lang Niya ako pinagbigyan.. Naiisip ko ngayon..siguro..malaki ang kapalit nun.. Di ba ganun naman? Pag may binigay Sha, may kukunin Sha. You win some, you lose some. Hindi pwedeng na sa iyo ang lahat. Birthday mo?! God ka rin ba ha?! Hindi. Si God lang pwede nun. Ang tanong..handa ba ako i-give up yung kapalit na gusto niyang kunin..?
Tiiin* was starless at
9:04 PM
2 star(s)
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Wednesdays Rock!
Tugtog na pinauulit-ulit ngayon: Parokya ni Edgar - Your Song (Ano ba talaga title non?? Basta yun na yun.. -_-)
Today, on a scale of 1-5, 5 being the highest:
School Productivity: 1 2 3 4 5
Angelic Deeds: 1 2
3 4 5
Devilish Acts: 1 2 3 4
5
Fun: 1 2 3 4
5
Mahal: 1 2 3 4
5
Hmm..wala akong masulat. Ay..teka..madami pala.. Pero parang hindi ko kaya isulat lahat.
Si amah. Ewan ko ba. Ano bang nangyayari kay amah.. T_T Lagi nalang sha may complications.. Understandable nga kasi old na sha.. tapos bedridden.. comatose.. nakarespirator.. sa PEG dumadaan ang food.. Pero hindi ba pwedeng hanggang dun nalang? Tama na sana yun complications.. Ilang years na ba shang ganyan? Mag-aapat na yata.. Tapos ganyan pa.. Hirap na nga, hirap pa lalo.. Tama na.. Ano pa po ba ang purpose ng pagpapahirap sa kanya.. I don't mean to question You, God.. I just want to know Your plan.. I just want to know why.. But come to think of it..even if I learn the reason..what good would it do to me? Na sa Inyo lang po talaga ang decision.. At kung ano man po yun..malugod ko pong tatanggapin at paiintindi sa iba pang maaapektohan kung bakit ganon..
Si mama. Kung meron mang nangyayari kay amah, sha ang unang naaapektohan dahil sha ang pinakamalapit na anak ni amah at sha ang nagaasikaso ng halos lahat para kay amah. (Shempre wala nang tatalo sa closeness namin ni amah. ^-^) Alam ko naman na hindi rin ganon ka healthy si mama..kaya hangga't maaari..ayako may mangyari kay amah na masama.. Nerbyosa si mama..high blood na..mataas pa cholesterol levels.. hay.. Konting eklat na mabalitaan niya tungkol kay amah, nagbubuntong hininga na yun..ang lalim pa..tapos parang hindi malaman kung sinong doctor ang hahanapin. Dinadaan ko na nga lang sha sa biro..napapatawa ko pa naman kahit papano.. Hindi pa kasi ako doctor..kaya hindi ko alam kung ano yun nangyayari kay amah..wala akong matutulong kundi yun lang..mapatawa si mama..at mapakalma sha.. Pero sa totoo lang..minsan mahirap magpanggap na malakas ka..na hindi ka ganon kaapektado.. Minsan mahirap maging malakas para sa mahina..
Thesis. Nasimulan ko na.. kaso lang.. wala pang kwenta.. Para bang wala ako sa mood magsulat.. Pero pag naliligo ako, patulog na, kumakain, basta mag-isa lang ako..parang ang dami kong naiisip na pwedeng isulat..na maayos at hindi katulad nitong na-type ko kani-kanina lang na apat na paragraph pero tigdadalawang sentence lang. Anung klaseng paragraph yun.. -_- Sa 17 na pasahan nito.. Kailangan ko na talagang gawin.. Sana maging na sa mood naman ako tulad ng pagnaglalaro ako ng Ragnarok..para maayos ko naman magawa yun.. Hm..speaking of Ragnarok..parang pati yon, wala ako sa mood gawin..
Iba pang research. Hayyy.. Yung isang group work na dapat namin gawin..parang walang kumikilos.. Sabi ko magpapadraw lots ako..dala ko naman lagi yun mga papel kaso lagi ko naman nakakalimutan magpabunot.. Anu buzz.. Ang dami ko lang talagang iniisip ngayon.. Nagkasabay-sabay.. Tapos hindi na alam kung anong uunahin dahil halos parepareho ng level of importance.. Ang hirap magprioritize pag ganto.. Tapos mga groupmates mo pa.. Ahm.. slash dot dot dot na lang. Mahirap magsalita. Yung mga Technical Writing na assignments..ang lalabo pa kung pano ba talaga gagawin..manghuhula na lang siguro ako dun.. Yun naman kasi yata ang gusto ng titser na yun. I
WILL GOING to give my best na lang sa panghuhula. Ngyaha..
Family. Specifically SK. Nakakafrustrate lang sha talaga. Napaka.. slash dot dot dot niya. Kanina may tinatanong sa kanya si mama, hindi niya sinasagot kasi hawak niya.. HAWAK NIYA. As in HAWAK NIYA TALAGA. Ang kanyang.. cellphone. Pag hawak niya yun, parang "you and me against the world" ang drama niya. Walang naririnig. Walang kilala. Walang pake. Nung pinapakielaman ko pa sha sa mga kalokohan niya, sinubukan kong sirain yung isang sim nya. Kinuskus ko ng kinuskus, binabad sa tubig, tinapakan, at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi naman nasira. Hindi yata ako marunong manira ng sim. -_- Ishtupeed. Napansin ko, nagiging open na kami ni UK kay mama. Nakakapagkwentuhan kami tungkol sa chiks ni UK at nasasabe ko rin na ang tumawag sa akin ay si PutoBongBong. Malapit na namin mabuksan utak ni mama.. Sana tumuloy tuloy na. Kaso ang problema talaga namin si SK na napakakitid ng utak na kahit karayom hindi makakalusot. Pano kaya yon? Kung pasakan ko kaya ng cellphone utak niya? Lumawak kaya? Napakamakeme talaga nun. Kaming tatlo may sama ng loob sa kanya. Hindi lang namin masabe sa kanya. Siguro kung salbahe ako at may trabaho na ako na kayang bumuhay sa kapatid at nanay ko, nasabihan ko na yun ng "Bumalik ka na sa nanay mo." Buti na lang may natitira pang halo sa MGA sungay ko. Hindi na magbabago yun e.. Malabo. Lalo na kung ganun ang utak.
Takot. Ayako magkamali. Takot ako magkamali. Ang dami ko pang gusto gawin sa buhay ko. As in ang
DAMI..at sa ganitong order.. kailangan ko makatapos ng Biology, makatapos ng Med, makatapos ng specialization eklat, makapagtrabaho para sa gobyerno bilang kapalit sa pagpapaaral sa akin sa PLM ng dalawang taon, mag-asawa (LANG..ayaw ko muna mag-anak..baka hindi ko mabigyan ng sapat na attention..), bumuo ng foundation at pumunta sa mga lugar na hindi naaabutan ng medical attention at habang ginagawa ito, huthutan ang mayayaman para ipangtulong sa mahihirap. (Hindi naman talaga huthot..gusto ko lang yun term na yun. LOLx! Maniningil lang talaga ako sa mayayaman..para may panggastos ako sa mga pangangailangan ng mga mahihirap..) Tapos nun, pwede na siguro ako mag-anak.. Pag-aaralin ko sha sa magandang school..ipapasyal..basta kailangan maranasan niya yun mga bagay na hindi ko naranasan..and I will be the best mum I can be.. at sana mabigay ko sa kanya ang BESTEST BEST dad in the whole wide world and world wide web..ngeh korni..LOLx..hay.. Napakaplanado ba ng buhay ko?? Haha.. Akala ko pa naman spontaneous ako.. sa maliit na bagay siguro.. oo.. pero pag dating talaga sa MAIN game ng buhay.. hindi.. hindi pwede.. sabi nga nila.. "we only have one life to live"..
Nakakadurog naman yan ng puso.. Parang dinukot tapos ni-crush.. Pero..tama na rin yun.. at least nasabe pa rin kung ano talaga nangyari.. hindi ako mukhang ngengert.. Hm..ok lang pala magmukhang ngengert..kung para sa iyo naman eh.. bat hindi?? Sana lang.. next time.. sana masabihan mo ako bago mangyari.. wala lang.. para lang alam ko.. ganun lang.. yun lang.. ^-^
Naaadik na naman ako sa mga personality quizzes eklat. Nahawaan ko pa nga si mahal. Hahaha! Kawawa naman.. Sabe niya nga.. spoiled girlfriend daw ako kasi lahat ng gusto ko binibigay niya. At least mga gantong bagay lang ang hinihingi ko. And at least, hindi ako materialistic like other people are. ^-^
You Are the Individualist |
4
You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.
|
You Are a Visionary Soul |
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
|
You Are 22 Years Old |
22
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
|
Your EQ is |
107
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar. |
Tiiin* was starless at
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Serious Mode
Music that fits me today: Parokya ni Edgar - One Step (it took one look.. and forever laid out in front of me..)
Mahal noticed that I'm being too serious. Ganito lang naman ako talaga for at least a week every month..because of my period. LOLx! I get sentimental and I start thinking too deep that sometimes I don't get the jokes thrown at me. Ewan ko ba. Pero kung gusto mo ako makilala ng husto..kung sino talaga ako..ito yun tamang time. I'm like an open book when I have my period..because I just let things "go" just like I let the blood flow. LOLx!
Kafal lang talaga ng ibang tao.. Sobra na sa kagarapalan. May ilang beses ko nang narinig na kaya ako ang laging nabibiktima ng mga taong katulad nila ay dahil mashado akong mabait. Oo nga..mabait kung mabait..pero oi. Wala namang ganyanan. Pag ako, nagalit..EWAN MEH. Pero totoo..masama ako magalit..wag niyo na subukan. Bawasan niyo naman pagkakafal niyo.
(Sa face)
Leathaface 1: Tin, di ba sa iyo yun cd na puro emo? Dalhin mo nga bukas tapos pakibigay na lang sa isa sa mga barkada mo para maiabot sa akin.
Utak ni Tin: Oi, baket?? May patago ka??
Bibig ni Tin: Ha? Sige titingnan ko kung wala sa pahiraman.
Utak ni Tin: Na sa bahay lang naman yun. Pero kunyari nalang na sa pahiraman. HWAHAHA!!
(Sa text)
Leathaface 1: Tin, send mo nga sa kin yun bot program.
Utak ni Tin: Oi, baket?? Close tayo?? Kelan pa??
Daliri ni Tin: Options. Erase. OK.
(Sa YM)
Leathaface 2: Naburn mo na ba?
Daliri ni Tin: Hindi pa. Bakit?
Leathaface 2: Dadagdagan ko pa kasi.
(Left Eyebrow ni Tin umakyat)
Daliri ni Tin: Ano? Sana wag mo na akong ipagdownloadin..
(Si Leathaface 2 na-dc. SWERTE!)
(Sa school)
Bibig ni Tin: Ito na yun cd mo o..
Leathaface 2:
(Blank lang talaga dahil wala shang sinabe. Ni "ty", "thanks", "salamat" wala. Ni hindi nga ako binati? LOLX! Saya niyo! Mga )(*#(@*^#@*_$_) kayo!!)
Nahihiya ako na ewan. Napakababaw talaga ng luha ko.. I was with mahal today at the comp shop and I thought I'd check out his blog because I wanted to see how his test result looked like sa page. (Yun "what element are you?" at the end of this entry.) Anyway, I read his blog.. pagkabasa ko.. naluha nalang ako. HAHAHA!! I actually just read it again.. at nagluluha na naman ako. HAHAHA!! Anu buzz..
Naramdaman mo na ba yun feeling na something just feels SO right? Like nothing can ruin it? Like you're SO sure that it's the one thing you've been waiting for all your life? Like it's the one set for you according to HIS masterplan? Yung feeling mo nasa bahay ka..parang na sa kwarto mo pa nga..pero hindi? You feel so safe and secure like nothing's going to go wrong. Masarap yun feeling.. Magaan.. Masaya.. Lalo na kung yun taong nagbibigay sa iyo nung feeling na yon.. yung pinakamamahal mo.. I'm not going to screw this up.. I will give my very best to not screw this up.. God tried to teach me to be patient and He tried to make me wait longer than enough.. I have learned patience and I have waited long enough to get what I have now.. I'm not going to let it go to waste.. And now it's up to me to cherish this gift.. I do.. And I will.. For as long as God would allow me to.. I just wish it would be for as long as my feet are still flat on this Earth..
Tignan niyo result ko.. Sobrang galing.. Sobrang eksakto.. Natatawa nga ako.. pareho kasi kami ni mahal.. At least pareho.. at hindi FIRE! LOLx! Try niyo rin! ^-^
Your Element Is Water |
A bit of a contradiction, you can seem both lighthearted
and serious. That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also
are deep. Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily.
You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others.
You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around
waves. You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little
more peaceful. |
Tiiin* was starless at
11:14 PM
0 star(s)
Monday, January 10, 2005
Kablag!
Music that fits me today: Parokya ni Edgar - One (now I know, that I know not a thing at all .. except the fact that I am yours .. and that you are mine..)
Hay. Certified class-cutter na talaga ako. Hindi naman talaga yun ang plano ko. Morning palang, I wasn't feeling right already. Na sa sakayan palang ako ng 10 minutes before 7am eh 7 ang class ko. I planned to attend my 2:30pm class nalang - Technical Writing kasi we have a report to present. But then, biglang may dumating na bus and I decided to take it. Ewan ko ba. Sometimes, hindi talaga sumusunod ang paa ko sa utak ko. Tulad ng pag kailangan ko nang umuwi, ayaw pa niyang maglakad pauwi. -_-
Naka-abot naman ako sa lab. Nakapagpacheck ng attendance. Umupo at nanakit ang puson ng SOBRA. As in WAW. T_T Parang gusto kong ipasok yung kamay ko sa loob at pigapigain ang aking mga laman-loob. Hindi naman pwede. LOLx! Chaka sabe ko lang yun. :P Dun na ako nag-isip kung ano next plan ko. Balak kong umuwi nalang ng 10am at matulog. Mga hanggang 8:30.. ang sakittttttt!! Pagkatapos non, umaatake nalang sha pasundot sundot pero kasing sakit pa rin.
Nakuha ko pang makipagkwentuhan bago umuwi. Haha! May dysmenorrhea na nga, inuuna pa daldalan. LOLx! Nakakamiss rin kasi.. Minsan nalang kasi kami makumpleto.. Nagtatanong na naman nga sila kung ano ichura ni MF ko. ;)) Baka agawin ni Bob pag nakita niya. HAHA!! Jowk lang. ^-^ Sumakay ako ng bus mga past 11am na. Kumukulo na chan ko tapos naalala ko na dahil walang tao sa bahay, walang pagkain. T_T Buti nalang labs ako ni mahal, sabe niya, sabay nalang daw kami kumain. ^-^
Dumating ako kela Sanshayn ng 12:30. Galing ko talaga mag-tancha ng oras! Hwaha! ^-^ Pagkakain, tinatanong ni mahal kung ano oras ako uuwi. Naisip ko..kung uuwi ako makakatulog ako..eh busog ako nun..takot ako mabangungot.. Kaya naisip ko, lalaro muna ako sandali. Take note huh. SANDALI. Eh..wala na. LOLx! Natapos ako maglaro..mga 5 na siguro. HAHAHA!! Napaka-adekkk!!
Hay.. Bakit ba ganun.. LOLx.. I am super duper, incomparably, sensationally, divinely, greatly, magnificently, marvelously and superbly in love with mahal.. *-* Madaya nga lang sha. MADAYA KAAA!! Hehe! MWAPAK!! *-*
Tiiin* was starless at
10:15 PM
0 star(s)
Saturday, January 08, 2005
Words Overflowing with Disdain
Music that fits me today: These Words by Natasha Bedingfield (these words are my own.. from my heart flown.. i love you.. there's no other way to better say i love you..)
Gwabehan. In a previous entry, I wrote about things I dislike. I chose the word "dislike" because "hate" is a strong word. But I honestly HATE two things: 1 - too much self-love 2 - unfair partiality.
So you know you're good but it doesn't make you a god. Dapat nga, instead of boasting about your talents, you should share it to others and be grateful. Ano naman mapapala mo sa pagmamayabang?
You ask me to give you consideration pero sino ba ang dapat magbigay talaga?? Natutulog ako, bigla mong bubuksan yun ilaw dahil kailangan mong mag-exercise?? Na sa lugar ba yan?? Ikaw ba lagi dapat ang pagbibigyan?? BAKET??
Bawal ba magpaka-adik sa paglalaro na computer game ang babae?? Bawal ba maglagi sa computer shop ang babae?? Mukha ba akong inutil para hindi malaman kung anong dapat ko gawin at kung anong hindi dapat?? I know you don't trust me. I don't trust you either. I don't care anymore if you'd like to make your life as bad as hell. Mambabae ka hanggang gusto mo. Manlalake ka pa, wala na akong pake. Hindi naman kami ang niloloko mo. SARILI MO. Napapansin mo bang lahat ng sinasabe mo sa akin, hindi ko nalang pinapansin? Makahalata ka naman. Ibig sabihin nun, WALA NANG PAKIELAMANAN.
I plan to wake up a bit earlier than usual (on Sundays) tomorrow to review for my exams and stuff. Afterwhich, I can take a nap para makabawi sa sleep. And when I'm all done, I can play RO! WEE!! But of course, I won't be sleeping as late as usual. Ayako na. Gusto ko na maka-full sleep pag schooldays. And I promised myself to begin doing that next week. No more tardiness and laziness and whatever. PASUKAN NA OI!! WAKE UP!! Hinay-hinay lang sa paglalaro ng RO! ^-^
Magpapahaba na talaga ako ng buhok. March na ako susunod magpapagupit. 3 months. Sakto lang. Wala lang. Balak ko lang paglaruan sa summer.. Gusto ko palagyan ng blue highlights. ^-^
Sabe ni Joven, ang keme na ng blog ko. Eh bat ba? I can't help it if I'm SO in love. *-* I was with him nga today eh..my mahal. Hay.. When I'm with him..the feeling is unexplainable..and it feels so..like..light..and I'm SUPER HAPPY when I'm with him. Kung dati, nakikipagmatigasan pa ako dahil gusto ko ako yun susuyuin, ako yun susundin, parang ngayon..wala. Wala akong magawa. Para bang feeling ko, magsisisi ako kung hindi ko ibaba ang pride ko. And I'm super submissive.. and it's SUPER not like ME. What's happening to me..? I think YOU struck me TOO hard. *-*
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Thursday, January 06, 2005
Warat.
Music that fits me today: Audioslave -
Set it Off
Grabe. This has got to be the most badtrip day of my entire life. LOLx!
Umaga palang eh.. hanggang earlier this evening. Ewan ko ba. Ano ba meron ngayon? Bat minamalas yata ako?
Dapat may blog entry na ako eh. Icocopy ko nalang from disk kasi tinatype ko na kanina sa laptop. Eh..biglang nag-off yun laptop. Hindi naman natanggal sa saksakan. Hay.
Misunderstanding kaninang umaga. Ayoko kasi magsabi ng mga pangalan sa blog na to ng derecho kasi ayako manira ng reputation ng mga tao. Ang mga nakasulat dito.. yun lang naman ang tingin ko sa mga taong yun. Kaya I'd rather keep their identity than exploit them totally.
Analytical chemistry, wala akong naintindihan. Ang hina ko na nga sa chemistry, ang gulo pa ng utak ko.. dahil may iniisip akong iba.. Alam na. Nasabi ko na lang, "Yung square nga hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling, ni-square root pa?!"
Sa bilyaran ako nagaral. Ang jologs ng mga kanta. Nakakainis. Tapos ang dami pang feeling na naglalaro. Feeling maganda, feeling gwapo at feeling magaling. Phbttt!! Titingin-tingin pa kala mo kala mo ehhh!! Dukutin ko mata niyo gusto niyo ha?! Sampal sampalin ko pa kayo isa-isa mga lekat kayo. PHBTTT!!!
Ang kokorni ng mga topic sa reporting sa Technical Wrting kanina. Napakaseryoso. I mean..napakascientific. Wag naman natin i-confine ang ating mga sarili sa biology porket yun ang course natin. Lumabas naman tayo sa lungga natin paminsanminsan.. mag-explore ng ibang bagay.. para naman may bago tayong matutunan. Eh yun mga nireport kanina, alam na natin yon e. High school pa lang tinuturo na yun, irereport pa. Hay. Ang gulo nga namin kanina eh.. kwentuhan lang habang may nagrereport. LOLx! Alam ko bastos..pero pinipigilan ko naman..pero wala eh.. ang boring talaga. Anong magagawa ko??
Dumaan akong SM. Haragan mga tao dun. Akala ko pa naman may pila. Intay-intay pa ko. Minsan indi ko na alam kung mabait lang ba ako mashado or ngengot. Eh ang daming sumisingit eh. Nauna pa nga sila i-serve kesa sa akin. Eh di nakisingit na rin ako! Ilang minuto ba ko nagintay don?? Sabay wala naman pala sila nung bibilhin ko. Bumaba pa ako at naglakad ng pagkalayo-layo, wala din, out of stock. Lekat o.
Susubukan ko sa Mercury Drug, sasakay na ng trike.
Manong A: San?
Ako: Sa 711, manong. Magkano?
Manong A: Dose.
Ako: Ayako mahal.
(Bumulong sa sarili.. "Ang swapang mo!!")
Ako: Manong, 711. Magkano?
Manong B: Ayoko don.
(Bumulong sa sarili.. "Bakit?? Kala mo gusto ka nila don??")
Ako: 711. (Badtrip na)
Manong C: Dose.
Ako: Sige na nga!!!
(Maya-maya sa trike..)
Ako: Manong, San Luis na lang, A. Rita!!
(Pagbaba, nag-abot ako ng dose.)
Manong C: (Sumusutsot)
Ako: ANO?!
Manong C: Bat dose lang to?!
(Bumulong sa sarili.. P()@#&*(*@#*@^!! NAPAKASWAPANG MO!! LAMUNIN KA SANA NG LUPA!!)
Ako: (Dumukot ng bente.) O ETO!! (Bumulong ulit.. P*(&#(@!#()*&@(*&!!)
Ilang beses ba ako napamura ng P(&#(@*^&#(@*!! ngayong araw?? Tatlo?? Nagulat nga friend ko nung narinig niya eh. LOLx! Ang lutong ko daw magmura. Malutong talaga!! Dahil minsan lang ako magmura ng ganyan. Pag sobrang galit lang. Ako lang ba yun? Or minamalas lang talaga ako ngayon? Baka kasi magkakaroon na ako? PMS? Wewan meh.
Sana bukas walang pasok. Lekat to si GMA e. Announce announce na holiday, hindi naman nagsuspend ng class. Tatadjakan ko na yung bansot na yun eh. Walang silbi. Sana ma-cut ang klase. At pag nangyari yon, alam na. RO na!! At shempre, kela mahal ako maglalaro!!^-^
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Wednesday, January 05, 2005
7 Things I Dislike the Most
Music that fits me today: Monica - Angel of Mine (first time I saw you.. I already knew.. there was something inside of you.. something I thought that I would never find.. angel of mine..)
1 I dislike it when people keep meddling in MY business - in MY life. So what if you saw some guy come pick me up?? Where I go and who I'm with is none of your business. I can take care of myself, thank you very much. I know what I'm doing and it's nothing illegal, out of line, immoral or whatever. I need my space.
2 I'll do whatever I want to do whenever and wherever. eg. make tiramisu at past 10pm, wake up to study at 4am. I dislike it when people stop me from doing what I want to do. You can go think that I'm a psycho, crazy or a numbnut. I don't care. Just give me my time. I never take up your time, why take mine?
3 I dislike selfish people. Go move to another planet if you're so selfish. We don't need people like you here on earth. 'Nuff said.
4 I dislike "user-friendly" people, those who befriend you or are nice to you because they need something from you. I understand that people need other people to survive. But it doesn't mean that YOU should "kill" ME just so YOU can survive. This is the main reason why there is war and chaos in people's lives - people don't give and take. I'm giving you something, what are you giving me in return?? Sakit ng ulo!! At sangkaterbang kabadtripan!! Bato bato sa langit..
TAMAAN KA SANA!! *($^@^#(#)(*!#)(!!!
5 Ayoko sa mga taong makulit na hindi nakakatuwa. As in tanong ng tanong, paulit-ulit, same question, hindi man lang i-rephrase, same words, same tone, same lahat. Ayako sa mga taong pinipilit na ganito pero ganon, nandon pero nandito, oo pero hindi.. Hindi talaga nakakatuwa. Sa kakaulit-ulit ba ng tanong, magbabago ba ang sagot ha??
6 I dislike being asked nonsense questions and being told nonsense statements. eg. "namigay ka ng tiramisu, nagtira ka ba para sa atin?" First off, sure ka bang para sa ATIN or did you mean para sa IYO? Secondly, pwede ko bang gawin yon?? At tama bang gawin yon??
7 I dislike people who are like chameleons - changes personality according to whoever s/he's with to the point na mamamahiya na. Bakit kailangan ganun? Sikat ka ba pag ganun? Anong nakakatuwa dun?
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Monday, January 03, 2005
Extend Paaa!!
Music that fits me today: Tamia - So Into You (Oh I really like what I feel when I'm with you .. you're a dream come true .. don't you ever leave my side.. 'cause it feels so right ..)
Late na ko nakabangon. Hwaha! Pano.. nasanay kakatulog ng madaling-araw na. Hay. 6:30 na nga ako umalis ng bahay e. Parang kasing ang dilim dilim pa para maging 6:00 na kaya parang ayaw ko paniwalaan yung orasan. Hahaha!! Baliw ba ko?? :P
Hindi naman ako na-late. Right on time lang kasi pag dating ko, pumapasok pa lang sila sa laboratory. Grabeh yun. Aga-aga binabaliw ako. T_T Ano-ano na pinagagawa sa amin tapos hindi i-explain ng maayos. Grr. As usual, natuluan na naman ako ng chemical. Kailan ba mawawala yun?? Pero ok lang, hindi naman masakit at stain lang ang nangyari. Nabalik na yun results ng experiment namin last time, perfect ako!! WEE!! Hay.. Hirap talaga ako sa chemistry.. bobo ako don. Lagi na lang 2.5 at 3.0 ang grade ko. Yung 2.5, awa pa ng teacher yon. HWAHAHA!
May quiz kami kanina sa AnaChem lec. /omg!! Wala akong alam. Hrm..meron pala kaso lang nakalimutan na. Nagbakasyon din yun utak ko. Hahaha! Hmm.. Yun katabi ko, si Lems, nilabas nya notes nya tas nagtatanong tanong sha sa kin, yun katabi ko sa kabila, si Ganda (Nakalimutan ko pangalan niya..basta tawag niya sa akin "Ganda" kasi di niya alam pangalan ko. Quits lang. LOLx! Ay.. teka.. Ginalyn yata.. ? Wewan meh.) tanong din sa akin kung tama ba ginagawa niya. Eh di nagkokopyahan lang kameee!! LOLx! Nagmistulang seatwork ang quiz. Hwaha!
Late kami sa Bioresearch. Kakahiya! LOLx! Ang tagal kasi ni Joven, tumawag pa kasi sha sa DOH. Eh 30 mins. break lang yun.. nakain na yun 15.. 15 na lang natitira para kumain. Inasar pa nga ako ni Ate Haller kasi yun order ko kanina liempo. Sabe niya, "Wow! Bagong taon, bagong buhay!" Hahaha! Lagi kasi tocino lang solve na ako. Ehhh..walang tocino kanina. Hahaha! Naka-ilang gum ako ngayon. Sabi ng dentist ko wag ako mag-ggum..pero..nagpprepare lang naman ako na baka antukin..kaya ako napakain. Hm..magmumumog na lang ako after ko mag-gum..o kaya magccandy nalang ako. ^-^
Abnormal yun teacher ko sa Tech Wrtng. Nakakabobo intindihin. Nakakainis. "Sale-able" daw. LOLx! Si Joven nagagalit na nga eh.. Sabi niya, "Baka marketable??" Hwahaha! Gusto ko sana humirit ng "Baka bentabols??" Ang corny. Hwahaha! Eh kaseeeee wag na pilitin mag inglis kung indi kaya i-inglis. >:P Pwede naman magtagalog.. mas maiintindihan pa nga eh.. wag na magimbento ng word..
Dumaan ako kay mahal bago umuwi!! Solve naaa!! Pero sana.. extend paaa!! Hwehehe. Hindi naman na pwede kasi luluto pa ako pagkain ni amah at mag-aaral of course. Binigyan niya ako ng cd ng mga mp3 niya. Haha! ^-^ Hm..baka yun nalang ang papakinggan ko habang nag-aaral mamaya. Bukas may exam kami sa Microbio.. Hay.. Mahabahaba itu.. at wewan meh kung makabalik pa ako OL mamaya. No regrets. :P I do not regret that I did not study for exams and stuff during my vacation. I'm happy that I accomplished my homeworks. Good enough na yon. Vacation nga eh! Hindi ba nila naiintindihan ang word na "vacation" ha?? HA?? Kalma lang meh dadeh! ^-^
Speaking of dadeh. Ayaw maniwala ng ibang friends ko na gurl na wala na talaga kami ni Spark at meron na akong MF. Wewan meh. Nagulat pa nga yun iba. LOLx! Hanu buzz. Sinasabe na nga ehhh!! Eto na ohhh!! Galing na sa bibig ko.. indi chismax.. ayaw pa maniwala. >:P
Hay.. Mamimiss ko ang mahal ko.. Di bale.. bukas dun lang din naman ang daan ko. ;)) Tas sa Wednesday pa, sa Thrusday pa, sa Friday pa.. tapos next week na uli.. LOLx! Ok lang.. 2 days.. Sows. Kaya namin yon. .. .. .. Hwahaha!! I love you! ^-^
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Sunday, January 02, 2005
Pasukan na!! WAA!!
Music that fits me today: Avril Lavigne - Naked (you see right through me and I can’t hide.. i’m naked around you.. and it feels so right..)
Hay. Mahirap magsulat pag pinipilit. LOLx!
I slept at ... I dunno what time. Hwaha! Basta midday na kaka-telebabad with mahal. Woke up at 10, courtesy of Ik. Turns out, we're going to attend mass, eat lunch somewhere and bring a couple of my ai Z's appliances to the repair shop. We even stopped at Iceberg's and their hot fudge sundae sucks. I am NOT ordering that again. Ever. We were allowed to go play at Bulats but my mahal was at Shanse's so we went there instead. 2 hours! Di na masama. :D
Si Joven paasa! >:P He says he heard that school's starting on Tuesday instead of tomorrow. PHBTTT!! NOT!! I called PLM myself and asked manong kung kelan ang pasukan, he said, "Bukas." Hay naku.
I've been stopping myself from playing. Haha! Totoo lang.. kating-kati na ako maglaro. I wanted to get myself out of this chair to go read in advance, fix my school bag and do whatever to prepare for school .. but I just can't seem to do it. :(( Well..at least I was successful in staying away from RO. ^-^ Hrm.. sana maaga kami madismiss bukas.. ASA?
Spark called me on my cellphone again. Sabi niya, "Ano bang ginawa mo sa kin??" Hwahaha! Sabi ko nalang, "Oi, wala akong ginagawa sa iyo." LOLx! Mataray ba yun? Hrm.. He's always asking me about mahal.. Tanong niya kasi kung kelan start ng classes ko. Sabi ko bukas na pero ayako pa pumasok. Sabi niya, "Bakit? Kasi di na kayo magkikita ng boylet mo?" Sabi ko, mas madali nga magkita kung may pasok. Tanong niya, "Susunduin ka niya araw-araw?" Sabi ko, "Ngek! May work din sha noh pero lagi ako makakadaan sa shop nila." Tapos .. naputol. Hwahaha! Nag-off yun phone ko kasi low batt na. Nahihiya ako pag ganon .. sayang kasi yun babayaran ng tumawag..
WAAAY past bedtime ko na! Hahaha!! Balik na naman sa dati.. Tulog bago mag 10pm, gising bago mag 530am, maghintay sa sakayan bago mag 6:10am, makarating sa school ng 7am. Makinig, magsulat, kumain, makipagdaldalan, magbilyar, magcomputer, makipagkulitan, mangtrip, mangasar hanggang uwian at makarating sa bahay bago mag 5pm. Whew! Routine na yata yan. Wala bang bago?
Dapat nga inspired akong pumasok kasi in lab ako. Hwahaha!! Ang corny ko ba?? Pero dapat talaga ganun. Ewan meh. Parang nakakabitin lang yun bakasyon. At parang feeling ko bakasyon na talaga.. Ang labo. LOLx! Hay hay hay. Di bale.. 3 months na lang.. bakasyon na ulit!! ^-^ At pag bakasyon na, adek adek na ulit kay mahal at sa RO!! ^-^ Ay.. kahit pala may pasok.. adek adek pa rin kay mahal!! Mas magiging adek adek pa nga compared sa ngayon. HWAHAHA!! ^-^
Wafu mo talaga.. MF pa.. Bait pa.. Understanding pa.. Malambing pa.. Hay.. San ka pa??
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Saturday, January 01, 2005
What else is new?
Music that fits me today: Bamboo - Masaya
(ang pag-ibig..ganyan talaga..)
Happy new yeaaaar!! :D
Hwaha! I dont' seem to know what to start to write about.. hmm.
Yesterday was a rather ordinary celebration of new year's eve for me. I didn't dress up for the occasion and for the most part, I was playing Ragnarok. HWAHAHA! Eh kasi..I wanted to feel that I was spending the time with mahal. I couldn't play the whole time though because I had to play camera gurl. -_- Always naman yun. And every year, lagi ako nababagsakan ng mga sumabog na napaputok. HWAHAH! Ok lang naman yun. Ang delikado lang pag puputok palang! Tulad kahapon. Ilang beses ba yun?! Mapapa-&(*&)!(*#!^(!* ka sa takot. T_T Anyway, mas blair witch project ngayon compared last year yung kuha ko. Hwahaha!! Pano ba naman. Nasstuck yun record button.. -_- May 2 mins. siguro dun sa video na sahig naman yun nakuha, legs ko achaka tsinelas ko. -_- Pag nakita ni Mike yon, ang may-ari ng cam, I'm dead. X_x
Hrm. Kung nagragnarok lang ako, ibig sabihin ba nun, for the whole year magraragnarok ako? MASAYA YON!!! HWAHAHA!! ^-^
Inintay ko mag-init ang ulo ni SK. In fairness, matagal-tagal bago nangyari - madaling araw na. Pinaaakyat niya kasi yun alcohol sa utak niya. Kaya..yun. Nagsiraan na naman kami ng new year's eve. LOLx! Sinabi ko na di buzz?? Walang palya. X_x
Spark called me on my cellphone. Nagulat ako. O_o He told me that he was promoted to team captain. Haha! I congratulated him and told him that I was happy that he finally got what he wanted. He said that he did but he lost the main purpose of wanting to become TC - me. He spent all his time and energy on showing his colleagues what he is capable of that he forgot about me. Regrets come at the end. At ganon lang talaga ang buhay. You win some, you lose some.
New year's resolution/s ko? Wala yata.. -_- Haha.. Hm.. Let's see..
1. be MORE patient
2. be MORE understanding
3. be MORE affectionate
4. know my priorities
5. try to love myself a little bit more..
I'll be finishing everything I need for school today. As in RUSH na. I want to play Ragnarok afterwards ng tuloy tuloy at walang iniisip na iba. Hehehe! Adik.. =P Hay. I need to finish these. And I promised myself that I won't play until I do.
Hay. Bat ba ang bilis magbago ng mood ko?! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! #&!)*#&(!^*$!%#(!)!!! Nakakainis. Ang bilis ko maimpluwensyahan ng mood ng iba.. lalo naaaaaaaaaa.. hay.. walaaaaaa!! Di bale naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! Sige.
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